Saturday, December 27, 2008

when we were very young

youth i

when i was young i stayed home
collected stamps
and made up people named after fonts.

stamps i

Thursday, December 25, 2008


merry xxxmas, merry x-mass, happy yule!

very many new things on the ilhu ranch!  a change of traditions and wonderful things brought me a new computer [with open source photo editing software], and a brand new lens for Agamemnon!  he is now wearing a macro nikkor 60 mm 1:2.8 g ed that i am loving!  and with all new things, they take a lot of time getting used to.  i took some photos this morning and *tried* editing them with seashore.  ugh!  what a nightmare.  not that it is bad, but i am used to photoshop cs2 on a pc, and now i'm using this on a macbook.  weeeeird.  i'm having a lot of trouble finding the functions - like photo resize and i don't like the crop function.  it doesn't have nearly as many of the functions as photoshop but luckily i only ever play with size, colour, contrast, levels, curves [don't think seashore has levels/curves functions].  my recent additions to flickr are out of whack - none of them are the same ratio or size or anything, but i am trying.  please be patient with me.  here are some in full season regalia!

seashore filament i

seashore filament

seashore ii

i was so so so lucky to have retema come for a visit a few days ago [he is in mtl for only a few more days!!].  i took many many film photos in our historical desired condition.  we lived in the forest.  it is supposed to be this way.  he took a photo of me.


now that i have all this fancy dance equipment, i would love to update more often on my artistic endeavours.  i havent been unproductive - quite the opposite!  i have been crocheting like a mad woman, so there will be much more.  also i would like to set up my etsy shop and really start trying to do what i have been wanting.  these things take time, so it's time for a butt kicking!  flickr update :: pro account expires much too soon.  help me fuel this all!!!!

ass kickery commencing NOW!

Monday, December 15, 2008

i believe in the power of the new surprise

the next 48 were spent gonzo sewing and BRAIN BUSTERS and toys

i start 20million things before i finish them all at the same time

there is a surprise for them all but i wont say anything else
there was no knowing ANYTHING else

print finale
wherein i learn i am not cut out to pursue pure printing
:master printer: i say no thanks
i'll stick to being a maker of unique objects

imaginary cartographies
boiled down to simple shapes
i took the liberty of using print to explore different aspects of my art making
i used earthy tones [instead of my usual gaudy palette of rainbow psychosis] and minimal lines and shapes.
3 colour fuji plate print edition of 10
3 on 'good' paper
3 on silk organza
4 on green graph paper

imaginary cartographies

apocalyptic advertisement
3 months of working on stone and i still don't 'get' stone
there are certain imagistic fixations which will most likely haunt me for all my time - quetzacoatl may be one of them.
my aim this time was to make my inner violent conflicts a bit more ... obvious. working with a giant press is an act of limbo - maybe in limbo, a reaction to the equipment of how i felt at the time. low, high, low, high...there is solace in paint slinging on a print you are wholly dissatisfied with. red makes up for a +++
i was in the mood for something carnal, out of sorts, me but not me but more than me
apocalyptic advertisment

much time has passed since i felt any desire. so much of my selves lie in that end of the control arena. it is not so much a dissatisfaction as it is denial. i won't conform to circle/triangle/square if i really am a CONE.

Saturday, December 6, 2008

i cannot build an altar

after many days and nights spent it is, as of this past tuesday, finished.
i have learned that i cannot search for permanence in a place that is not mine.
the next step is to find my own place of isolation in which i can be free to drown in this cotton jelly.

truth : i had spent several days and nights inhabiting and working in this donated office space at concordia university. on many occasions i was mistaken for an mfa student, which i went along with.

in wallcotton and in wanting to be this in to give perspective

and so i spent these days and nights crafting small objects with my thoughts, at first in silence, finally to music. in that silence i became to aware of time and place in that world continuing to exist behind my self imposed isolation. i was able to know that at exactly 4:55 every afternoon, the vent would stop it's humming of recycled air. i knew that it was a saturday night when i heard the excessive noises of happy hockey fans [the VA is a block away from the bell centre].

in camoflage in smallness in bigness

i forgot what it was like to be in pain.

excerpts from the clubhouse logbook ::

"out the window i cannot see the street all i see is a parkinglot, a gas station concrete steel glass structures without history and no horizon only sky and some naked trees. on the west wall there is a crack btwn the windowledge and the wall - there is cold air there, it seeps in almost unnoticed but if you put your ear there you can hear it."

"...always hiding! i am the girl who hides in the bathroom at parties which is why i never go to parties anymore...i feel as if this initial fear sabotages any chance i have at gaining social skills. but i don't want social skills, previous experiences and attempts have taught me to not bother. i choke when i speak...i find i am very boring. being in a crowd of more than 3 makes me nauseous and i lose my cool. so i just stopped trying."

"as happy as i want to be, i can't help but feel a tinge of sadness seep into everything i say and make and do. too often the words that come out of my mouth are 'uuuuuh i don't know'. get a know a no a gnome?...11 pm guard checks door...asks me if i'm ok...honestly, i didn't know how to answer the question"

"yesterday was the first day in about 2 weeks that i have seen the sun...a foreign sensation, as if our / my eyes were not made to handle its existence...coming from a lover of clouds. always _______ [inadequate]. just when i get used to things, i pass them over in silence."

"6:17 :: z - and then e! was nice having another productive person in the room with me - there is energy there - feeding on is easy to be lazy by my selves, but if someone else is here i feel the need to keep on making and feeding...mmm...yesterdai i left my fingernails on the shelf and today they are gone."

"sometimes it is hard to be happy november days, especially when...i have 'mike' stuck in my head...'sometimes i feel i'm not nice because it's hard for me to think something happy about you except for that dad, i love you, and i will always always miss you'"


"yesterday's stupid action ended up being much more traumatic than i initially thought...i was the dumbest bitch on the planet, on the second floor landing, crying buckets...lesson fucking learned. a little cut up, and i am very angry with my selves. i am sick of the lazy person i've become"

"can i believe it? i am in the clubhouse at 930? am?"

"i am feeling really is rain, it is it love?...are they like me, so unsure of that outside world, willing to give it up for this solitude....i remember, not that long ago - even this summer, my dislike for my aloneness - walking, riding the train, seeing shows. something i was not ok with....i only cut 7 nails today, this night...should have taken that sideways sight slicing as an aura for my right eye failing me. just made the perfect jellyfish."

"fact : montreal is not open 24 hours though i always feel it hsould be"

tuesday [crit day]
hello hello hello it's over...that day. it is the storm before the calm before the storm"

in spending all those days and in flag

for anyone interested + in the greater montreal area, the installation is up till the 19th of december 2008. please message me if you would like to see it feel it touch it.

The Other Her