overdose

a small part in my series on substance habituation
drawing this / writing this actually didn't take me as long as i originally anticipated.
i
my speed [har har] astounds me
i'm trying to get this on the primary level - i'm avoiding scientific records and data and attempting to make my own sources - all anonymously, of course.
i'm saving the spam in my box because for some convenient reason i'm on some pharmaceutical listserve.
dead mellotron is the best spam i ever heard, i tells ya.

here are some other lovelies i've done

a brooch on etsy
[recognize?]



a small mock up for my traveling show



speaking of shows, you're going to have to wait a little longer before anyone sees me in one. something tells me i should just not even adhere to the hipsterism of galleries in mtl - i would love to see a show that DOESN'T ooze pretentious annoying. <---- this is why you'll never see me at a vernissage. a] large groups of people in rooms make me extremely anxious b] i dislike talking with peope if only to 'network' and have them add you on facebook and never talk to them again c] i unfortunately can't be bothered to see what 'my contemporaries are up to' because i just see the same thing over and over again.
rejection makes me bitter SO BITTER. i dislike attempting good ideas, applying, submitting, waiting, and being rejected. it's a no-win situation. it gets me writing and making but so far i've applied to many shows to no avail. i'm 22 and already i'm tired of sucking at what i love doing. i'm upset over it because i took it personally. i love love this piece now and wanted to have it seen as i do. there are pieces of me in there [really, physically!] - maybe they just couldn't handle it's fierceness? who cares why. it's done, there's nothing i can do other than make some more to for people to dislike. TOO BAD.
the streets will always eat my art. it's a solo show everyday of the week!

i actually DID leave the house today - we made the conscious effort to hear alessandro cortini lecture about his owesome modulator. it seems the only 'shows' i do see have very little to do with my 'scene'. i figure if i'm going to go out in the MTL snow it may as well be something i've never seen / heard before. i spend 12+ hours per day with fibres, sculpture, and text. there is more to life than that. at least i sure hope there is.

for anyone in the MTL area who enjoys electroacoustics, i would highly recommend seeing cortini's show. it's this friday [the 30th] at the oscar peterson concert hall. not only is he a really cool guy, but DAMN he sure knows how to oscillate.

here is some summer '07 cloud love to get you through the end of january.

finally!

so, i have finally decided to piece together my etsy shop
it goes slowly and i only have 3 things for sale at the moment, but in the next few days i'll be adding more - jellyfish brooches, glamosaurus sex paint by numbers, more prints, more sculptures, maybe some drawings.
any ideas? i am a major in fibre art but i consider my selves much more miscellaneous than that. if you guys out there in the internet world want to see more or less of anything, please let me know! you are all so fabulous with your love!
now, for some SHAMELESS SELF PROMOTION

if the cell that holds me, breaks me....

nothing is finished but everything is in motion.
no matter how slightly, with my myriad of technical difficulties
nothing is going according to plan
i try to not let that stop me
but holy moses. coming home from the studio
IN TEARS
is not how i thought it was going to be.



i only printed 1.5 metres, but considering as it is a CMYK separation, i'm not beating my selves over the head with it.
the hexagonal outline reads

dont you ever ever ever trust my mercy

the mobius strip reads

if the cell that holds me, breaks me, it'll be hard to hold

i feel i should change the concept of this blog,
as it seems that everything i say or make
is my own visual representation
to the obsession
of other people's music
swimming in new directions

speaking of new directions



this has no direction, no concept, no reason. i am making them because i do not know how not to.

everything i have been thinking making or saying has been feeling very trite. there is only one way i can overcome these past 4 years, and i am very very afraid.

ouroboros // the mars volta

It appears to me
quoting alarms
guillotine smirks
In your house I smothered

Sight unseen
Sworn to harm
Ground to a powder
And soaked through the board

Don’t you ever, ever, ever trust my mercy
Don’t you ever, ever, ever trust my mercy

When will you flirt with all that’s burning
Keep them safe and by your side

Of all that’s left
A lucid home
Anecdote settles
In the smear of this corpse

If the larvae speaks
Ask where to go
They mount the maker
With a sulphur in fume

Don’t you ever, ever, ever trust my mercy
Don’t you ever, ever, ever trust my mercy

When will you flirt with all that’s burning
Keep them safe and by your side

Of all the warnings that you gave me
With all components in the fault

Have you ever heard me scraping it will be hard to hold

Don’t you ever, ever, ever trust my mercy
Don’t you ever, ever, ever trust my mercy

When will you flirt with all that’s burning
Keep them safe and by your side

Of all the warnings that you gave me
With all components in the fault

Have you ever heard me scraping it will be hard to hold

All I hear mending the gap
fall in here might not make it back
Call that someone may they hear you
Take me with you It’s not safe in here

And all you ask is why, why, why
And all you ask is why I’m certain
you’re holding on
mirror floats to the surface [holding on]

Of all the warnings that you gave me
With all components in the fault

Have you ever heard me scraping it will be hard to hold

Of all the warnings that you gave me
With all components in the fault

Have you ever heard me scraping it will be hard to hold

They lost the presence they were holding
Looks like the tenants flickered off
If the cell that holds me breaks me
It’ll be hard to hold

i can light an alter for them

like extracting blood from a stone, and pulling firmly rooted teeth
execution in record timing - a snappy 6 days! i don't think i've ever worked this quickly, considering the myriad of complications i've endured.
it is a traditional pagan prayer for the overcoming of substance addiction, a theme i will be exploring more fully over the next little while. it reads

out of the blood, and into the marrow
out of the marrow, and into the bone
out of the bone, and into the skin
out of the skin, and into the hair
out of the hair, and into the sea

white, red, and black embroidery with red hair couching and fingernail applique.



i am hoping to combine my 2 distinct styles - the creepy [the white, the red, and the black] with the colour [2 rainbows collided in your body]

the inspiration behind this particular piece?
xiu you.
dangerous you shouldn't be here // xiu xiu

a witch has come from under the ocean
and with a pointed and sharp finger
snatched my baby by the crook of her jaw
and hooked her breath away
and bloated and cut her soft,
dearest skin and face
her hair has gone from black to green
she used to complain when I used
too much water to wash her hair
I can't imagine what it was like for her
to have died swallowing the sea
I want to pause and offer
your lonely grave farewell but it is covered in mud
it is nowhere there is no way
to light an altar for you
everything is too wet
tight around my neck
tie me with this rotten wire
that snaps its quiet snap
I've poured my life into this world and here I am

again, another submission. the deadline looms.

Siphonophorgasm

the latest, third, and final instalment of the jellys before they disperse to their new homes in various places around the globe. currently ~2 meters hanging from the ceiling, half a meter in circumference. needs more. siphonophorgasm.

from this, as i learned from the ever lovely other heather

Heather J- / heather utah
#######
Miscellaneous artist in training
6 january 2009

"What we cannot speak of we must pass over in silence." - Wittgenstein.

subconscious passive human longing comforting obsessive reflective text textiled tiled dominating digital analog imaginary real crafting spellcrafting multiple textured coloured needy incubating illuminating illuminati exposed free public private silent.

ILHU Scout Project


I propose to start a skill sharing secret society. the ilhu scouts, concerning the importance of individual strength as a part of a larger system. Like and unlike many other skill sharing organizations, the ilhu scouts aim to establish and maintain a private sphere surrounding the intimate act of creation. While my own creative background is largely self taught in needlepoint and other miscellaneous craft and artistic practices, I encourage proficient technicians to share their knowledge with a willing student. Despite my own emphasis on secrecy, scout members may choose to be public about their membership and are encouraged to recruit other like-minded people. It is my sincere desire to be a healthy, productive member of my community in the only way I know how. The ilhu scouts are dedicated to the solidity of individuals and individualism in order to solidify a community based on unique, ethical, and proactive beings.

The idea of a society as a small number of people sharing a very specific technical knowledge and passing onto an attentive audience is the 'secret" in secret society as the going-ons of the other members is largely unknown - it is my intention that the ilhu scouts will never assemble as a single unit. But as with the scouts, there are 'badges' that could be potentially earned should one choose to be an 'active' rather than 'passive' member. Active members recruit others to join the skill sharing network; as each member has their own particular strengths and secrets to be passed onto others to benefit. Another role that active members play in badge activities is to learn a new skill and in turn teach a fellow scout member, actively participating in the circular motion of creativity. Passive members are full members of the scout committee but may chose to or not teach another a skill but may participate in the creative process with another as an 'energy booster'. In my practice, I have found that i more productive with another person engaged in creation in the same room than i am alone. By working in pairs or in groups in no more than 4, crafters stimulate others while engaging themselves in other passive communal actions; dialogue, musical appreciation, laughter, or silence. Each badge is designed and made by heather utah and badge recipient. All badges and badge themes are negotiable as this list is based solely on the principles and skills of one person and may be expanded, changed, or specialized.

The non-exclusivity of membership ensures that any person regardless of spiritual, political, sexual, or cultural interests. I intend to create a group of people bound together by the love of the physical and psychological benefits of creative actions. In return, I only ask of the ilhu scouts to treat their fellow people with equal respect while engaging in virtual non-violent behavior to all forms of life, human, animal, and vegetal, and of all property. The scouts are to attend their specified workshops out of their own freewill and are in no way bound to the ilhu scouts. There is no hierarchical structure between active and passive scouts. Although i have started this group, i do not hold any more or less power to change or expand the scope of the group - in fact, the ilhu scouts may be incarnated differently with each scout pair and may share their own ideas as long as the actions contain no malevolent or negative intent. Materials are to be provided by the recipient crafter. If they are serious enough about learning and mastering a new skill they should be willing to invest supplies as well as energy into it.

Activities may include
craft skills
technical skills
language
music
cooking
outdoor activities

Subject to change in regards to the needs and abilities of the individual scouts.

Other themes include personal and cultural symbolism, the examined self, public and private space, community service, leadership, and craftsmanship.
The ilhu scouts are currently being conducted out of my own home, but workshops may take place in the homes of scouts and I am currently seeking a temporary space for public display.


Selected Sources of Research and Inspiration


Benjamin Walter. The Work of Art in the Age of Mechanical Reproduction.
http://iheartfbrs.pbwiki.com/The+Work+of+Art+in+the+Age+of+Mechanical+Reproduction

Bishop, Claire. Antagonism and Relational Aesthetics.
http://iheartfbrs.pbwiki.com/claire+bishop

Bourriaud, Nicolas. Relational Aesthetics. Les Presses du reel. 2002.

Girl Guides of Canada.
http://www.girlguides.ca/default1.asp?id=1179

The International Order of the Rainbow for Girls
http://www.gorainbow.org/home/home.taf

Kloosterman, Jaan. Secret Societies : A Very Short History. International Institute of Social History.
http://www.iisg.nl/collections/secretsocieties/index.php

Janoff, Reverend Callie. A Sermon. The Church of Craft.
http://churchofcraft.org/a-sermon-simple-and-captivating/

Jung, C G., ed. Man and His Symbols. Dell, New York: 1977.

Philips, Adam. On Kissing, Tickling, and Being Bored. Harvard University Press, Massachusetts: 1993.

Secret Men's Business
http://billykblog.blogspot.com/2006/09/starting-secret-society-part-7.html

Storr, Anthony. Solitude. Harper Collins, London, 1997.







planet earth is blue and there's nothing i can do.

what have you done lately?

inspired by boredom, cartoons, bad movies, and relational aesthetics [as interpreted badly by the author]

the crowd massed quickly on the corner of ste catherines and atwater
my fear ran thick in my throat, i could feel the acid wearing away.
it was cold and grey but not that cold then colder after about 30 mins.
my politic apathy and wild misunderstandings of religion took hold immediately.
death to ANYONE won't get my vote and i am amazed at the intolerance of other people, here! in canada! you give people the benefit of doubt that we are a 'safe' place to be - and we are constantly reminded that this is not the case. i felt that in the heat of an undying hatred and violence towards 2 very different yet fundamentally similar people, i had to placate their energy with my own apolitical activity.
there is no way i could expect anyone to know why i [we] did what we did - i don't even think i get the whole story but i am glad i did. in this serious, serious, world we just had to spend the sunday together doing what we both do best - CARPE DIEM.


the idea behind it all



me being there, smirking even with awful slogans being yelled through megaphones and people carrying faux dead babies around, as if they know exactly what it must feel like to actually hold your dead and bleeding child



the trick : partnership is key if pulling off a stunt like this. always have your camera ready. smile a lot, it is confusing to an angry, somber crowd. keep moving especially if cold. don't try to blend in, people might mistake you for having chosen a particular, remain impartial at all times.

and remember : don't listen to a batshit thing anyone has to say about your actions. respect, tolerate. forget anyone who condemns anyone for political / spiritual direction. this is a world where all human life is respected equally. i would love to also say animal but unfortunately this is not the case. take responsibility for your actions throughout. direction is a CHOICE.