CUT CUT CUT

i have not forgotten

2009-05-02T13:34:00.002-04:00

things are better now.

http://ilhu.wordpress.com/
http://ilhu.wordpress.com/
http://ilhu.wordpress.com/
http://ilhu.wordpress.com/

sorry blogger
things change yet remain beautiful, always
stay gold
heather mutherfucking utah

heads up

2009-04-04T22:51:00.002-04:00

i will be leaving cut cut cut / ilhu / my private selves soon.
things will consolidate elsewhere.
just bear with me while i figure out life, the universe, and everything.

if you want to know the address, please contact me.

i can tell that we are going to be friends

2009-04-02T22:30:00.004-04:00

wherein our hero reveals her own personal secrets to happiness.

i have been told i am an unusually happy person
so what? it seems that misery is the accepted norm, a default obsession.
it has gone beyond habit straight past ritual and fetish into a full fledged emotional addiction.
this is going to sound crazy but,
sitting at home alone thinking about how lonely you are is not going to help you be less lonely.

am i special? NO.
i am the most mediocre, most boring, unimportant person i know and I AM TOTALLY OK WITH BEING UNIMPRESSIVE
being constantly judged, ignored, and ridiculed has made me oh so oblivious to everyone's negative attitudes, so much so that i save my cares for those i deem worthy enough to share owesome finds with
LIKE YOU!!!!!!
and despite being rejected on multiple occasions to art shows, having really bad hair, being sick for 5+ months, being terribly unmotivated and hating student art, the smallest things instil and crystallize happiness inside me for lingering.

+ find 1 activity that makes you happy and do it at often as possible. own it, expand it, and SHARE it

+ friends. really. even if you only have 1 person you know that you see on occasion, expand on that relationship with them. or make friends. 'oh i have no friends'. not cool, yo. if i can have friends, and charles manson can have friends, SO CAN YOU. already have one / some? LOVE THEM. the #1 thing that irks me most is when i hear / read about people who hate on their best friends, or fight with them. my very best one moved away and i would do *anything* to have them again. appreciate them, their time, and their loving energy, if only because i can't.

+ adventure. 'every day, do one thing that scares you'. roadtrip. get inspired, socially, personally, idealogically. strive to be the best human you can be.

+ normal things that everyone knows. eating lots of fruits and vegetables. not whining. not doing drugs or drinking alcohol, not being a douchebag, not killing animals. laughing at people slipping on ice patches, laughing at your selves when you stub your toes. really, i feel stupid writing this. use your brains. read books, watch less tv, play less video games, drink more water. misery is choice, as is happiness, you are responsible for your own lives.

:: small things that make days, that turn days into nights into loves ::

DUDE IT'S A LEG was someone really going to throw this out??

cigarette price board, with complete sets of numbers and mounting devices, yah!

reading. always a wise decision. pick your topic. boyd rice? prime example of a man LIVING HIS LIFE. learn from this, please?
please.
do not be afraid of yourselves.

2009-04-02T22:00:00.002-04:00

when your actions are so inspirational
the motive is blurred through time and the realms of good and evil

what are the rules governing this?

while in presenting this project, i did divulge the meanings of certain symbols, but no one's names, real or aliased, were mentioned.

.badge.
i should be posting this in the other but i won't keep on top of my selves.

there is one missing from my stack. where did it go?
several bag checks reveal nothing.
so disappointed.

oak mot!

2009-03-27T01:00:00.002-04:00

you are as sparkling as jon dore's eyes.
and i really love you.
for all the kittens out there - i am glad you are black and white
xoxoxogonzo

wherein our hero questions your authenticity

2009-03-25T21:30:00.005-04:00

i can never think of anything intelligent / interesting to say
other than the negative to the negative of all else

hesitation and consequence
, an archival of failure

inspirations ::
BOYD RICE
andy warhol
anton newcombe
anton lavey
charles manson
claudia kishi
mollie sue
catherine lawrence
mark z danielewski
hoop girl [from ooooh so long ago. she haunts thoughts that cross years]
francis picabia
lovecraft ;;; springtime is lovecraft, with the discovery of underground lairs and crypto-everything.

all i can do is rebel the rebels, protest the protest

MY MOTHER SAID
TO GET THINGS DONE
YOU BETTER NOT MESS WITH MAJOR TOM

goodbye agamemnon

2009-03-21T21:01:00.002-04:00

forget everything you knew about the will to conquer
forget everything you knew about the will to power
forget everything you knew about your selves

this is you infinite wisdom tooth / my last night in bed with you
[there are no words]

i'll have a new camera in a couple of weeks but until then
a salute to my 4 years with the beefiest cheesiest piece of glass encased in black plastic.

reference a plenty.

2009-03-19T23:59:00.004-04:00

excuse us all as we pull our bodies together
falling apart at every seam
can't help from falling over every edge

my lungs are about as comprehensible as

my head is as hazy as this city we struggle for

what looks more graphically pleasing
1PPP 2PPP 3PPP 4PPP 5PPP 6PPP 7PPP 8PPP 9PPP
?

lesson of the weak ::
'Wer im Glashaus sitzt, sollte nicht mit Steinen werfen.'

the thing with prayer is
that even though it may not be the most reliable method of healing
it does no harm to anyone, and best of all it is silent and free.

just stay out of the gift shop.

i like my nostalgia. it is my own self pilgrimage to visit these sites on accidental occasion.
even if there are no accidents.
no matter the cost, friendships are worth celebrating.

plans.

mockdate.

2009-03-06T00:23:00.002-05:00

here are some things to tame the masses.

wearing a dress, recycled from a baby blanket.
this was what i did to help recover from my illness on spring break.

detail 'my stinging words'
on rereading many journal entries from ~2004, i have realized just how at fault i was to the situation. i won't take responsibility for this person's actions, and i have yet to find the initiative to apologize for giving reason to perpetuate ridiculous behavior, or to even make them think that it is ok.
the day will come when you, too, will die. i long for the day to see your face in the newspaper, the only problem is they will be called a 'hero' by many. and i will be called a liar. we'll see.

published, here
'nomade's land'. pretty stoked.
i'm a half decent writer, i suppose. you know, having been a liberal artist for several years.

and, a peek into the future.
/pulsars.

i am sick of this class. all classes.
4 weeks.
then summer school.

intervene / add to at will

2009-02-24T13:04:00.001-05:00

http://ilhuscouts.blogspot.com/
http://ilhuscouts.blogspot.com/
http://ilhuscouts.blogspot.com/
http://ilhuscouts.blogspot.com/
http://ilhuscouts.blogspot.com/

combined youth

2009-02-23T22:12:00.004-05:00

i've been drawing silly things while watching silly movies

i am really enjoying the combined youth concept, of collaborating with my former selves to attempt the things i wish i was capable of doing then, and dispersing them to people i may never know,,,,,,,,,,,,

my bunnies look like strange hands,

i am waiting out february in my old old room north of the city. it has been 2 full days sans nosebleed and really, that has come to be something worth celebrating.

another thing worth celebrating :: voluntary and involuntary socialization!
i may have my gripes with vernissages but z is worth it. also, this saturday night / sunday morning is montreal's nuit blanche! this is my third year attending as a viewer, and despite the everything, i am still looking forward.

a wise chauncey once said ::
'i don't know what you've been huffing but there ain't no such thing as god'
trufax
so, don't do drugs?

spring spring spring. i think this is the first year yet where i am DYING for the season change. i have done little to no winter appreciation this year. i want yellow and green and blue. sunshine and that waxen smell. fewer layers and neater shoes. less frozen dogg poo in the alleys we rule. i also intend to establish a mini gallery at the end of the alley - i suppose i could do this now but snow proves a formidable enemy at the moment and will swallow the world if i am not careful because clearly i am in control of everything that happens in this city.

i have just to the right of me is a copy of francis picabia's 'i am a beautiful monster'. i owe most of my artistic uncareer to dada - guillaume appollinaire, tristan tzara, man ray, marcel duchamp, all have continually inspired me to keep thinking and keep making in revolt against the undergrad blues. everyday i am faced with the decision to throw in the embroidery hoop for a 'simpler' life and these men [funny, no women...] and their brilliant acheivements revive my interest in the FUCK YOU to our institutions. i always think to my selves 'well of course they can get away with doing crazy shit this was the early 20th century, times were different then' and catch my unknown logical and try to turn it into 'this is the early 21st century - just think of all the crazy shit i can get away with'. sure things are different, but i am not far off enough. time to get out, way out. state a few more interventions, blame it on the ilhu.

was an ill hu earlier this week. body shocks rock photobooth for multiple bloody noses.
too bad the university has a policy against using bodily fluids in art projects. nerdlingers.

Etsy
Buy Handmade
satyrinae

cold walks

2009-02-14T00:00:00.002-05:00

where are your mittens, kittens?
i moved to this city for an education and all i got was this vertigo.

jigsaw sketchbooks / rudebooks

2009-02-13T23:53:00.005-05:00

amongst the large things i do
the overambitious and slightly useless
stays small.
rudebook snappings
they are like the commercials between pieces
begging for time for twin bees

while watching rupaul's drag race. and once again, jellyfish on buses save the day.

do you have a sketchbook to share?

ripping the fabric of time

2009-02-10T00:54:00.006-05:00

how do you
represent infinity in a finite space?
get really sick and make a quilt out of it.

i'm really quite terrible at sewing. [and printing, and knitting, and drawing, and everything.]
i never pin, i never measure.
everything is all wonk. just me & my rudeboi scout.
we never get things right.

only take these personality tests with a grain of salt and
'the white poem of self hate stays with you'.
i am excellent at being mediocre.

what i'm trying to say is
STAY GOLD.
and that was all there ws to stay.

update ::
an exercise in extraversion.
conversation w/ stranger + delivery of badge to rightful owner.
i walked back down to the melting, waxy streets and sang david bowie all the way to the hutch. i really enjoyed making badges. i will do more but with negatives, signature.

fun facts ::
the iapetus was an ancient ocean between the laurentia and baltic continents in the neoproterozoic and paleozoic eras. there lived trilobites, hydra, and turritopsis nutricula. thanks to transdifferentiation and some other really neat stuff, the hyrda and turritopsis nutricula are technically biologically immortal!

artist[s] unknown ::

thank you.

i am currently reading george eliot's 'middlemarch'. it is insanely long, i cannot imagine what it must have been like, writing it all out like that. but still, i find her psychological insights almost shocking. i read a lot on the metro, and sometimes i just hit a phrase in between all this dialogue that almost knocks me over. what are you reading? do you like it? any recommendations, should i ever get through all 8zillion amazing pages of this?

Etsy
Buy Handmade
satyrinae

ilhu scout impromptu intervention

2009-02-05T18:29:00.003-05:00

re: title
7 february 2009
lab synthese

i've been working on my first badge, to be completed saturday night.
in similar vein to js' pandapple badge, only a little less called for.
i made this for last year's xiu xiu show, for js' call for pandapple paraphernalia. i couldn't find any, so i made a badge.

little did i know at the time that it was going to be terribly helpful for a future self.
here is the blindoldfreak one.

it's on the wonky side, and pretty small, you can tell by the weave of the aida. backstitch onto grey felt for colour power.

the artervention. an experiment in extraversion.
or, me just being really annoying

heather as mel.

cuts of nostalgia

2009-02-04T11:04:00.004-05:00

one day this happened

change of plans.

too much 90s nostalgia? i feel as though my current life has resumed to it's routine of 5th grade freedom.
it is a return to the similar circadian rhythm i have left behind.
i remember the faling apart. it is a return to discipline and apple cores.
a return of 99 cent brocoli at the PA.
a return to the foxes and rabbits in our very back yard.
it is the inside jokes of building forts to keep away all the falling apart.
i have reached my 5th year of vegetarianism, my 11th year of seperatedness, an anniversary marked by the split of those someone very close to me.
baking cupcakes to soothe is the demeter inside.

i remember you and me used to spend the whole goddamn day in bed.

it is not falling apart, it is drying herbs in your kitchen and talking to the first years about hair.

it is love, but the endless distance is the beginning of difference.
i understand.

overdose

2009-01-29T23:19:00.003-05:00

a small part in my series on substance habituation
drawing this / writing this actually didn't take me as long as i originally anticipated.
i
my speed [har har] astounds me
i'm trying to get this on the primary level - i'm avoiding scientific records and data and attempting to make my own sources - all anonymously, of course.
i'm saving the spam in my box because for some convenient reason i'm on some pharmaceutical listserve.
dead mellotron is the best spam i ever heard, i tells ya.

here are some other lovelies i've done

a brooch on etsy
[recognize?]

a small mock up for my traveling show

speaking of shows, you're going to have to wait a little longer before anyone sees me in one. something tells me i should just not even adhere to the hipsterism of galleries in mtl - i would love to see a show that DOESN'T ooze pretentious annoying. <---- this is why you'll never see me at a vernissage. a] large groups of people in rooms make me extremely anxious b] i dislike talking with peope if only to 'network' and have them add you on facebook and never talk to them again c] i unfortunately can't be bothered to see what 'my contemporaries are up to' because i just see the same thing over and over again.
rejection makes me bitter SO BITTER. i dislike attempting good ideas, applying, submitting, waiting, and being rejected. it's a no-win situation. it gets me writing and making but so far i've applied to many shows to no avail. i'm 22 and already i'm tired of sucking at what i love doing. i'm upset over it because i took it personally. i love love this piece now and wanted to have it seen as i do. there are pieces of me in there [really, physically!] - maybe they just couldn't handle it's fierceness? who cares why. it's done, there's nothing i can do other than make some more to for people to dislike. TOO BAD.
the streets will always eat my art. it's a solo show everyday of the week!

i actually DID leave the house today - we made the conscious effort to hear alessandro cortini lecture about his owesome modulator. it seems the only 'shows' i do see have very little to do with my 'scene'. i figure if i'm going to go out in the MTL snow it may as well be something i've never seen / heard before. i spend 12+ hours per day with fibres, sculpture, and text. there is more to life than that. at least i sure hope there is.

for anyone in the MTL area who enjoys electroacoustics, i would highly recommend seeing cortini's show. it's this friday [the 30th] at the oscar peterson concert hall. not only is he a really cool guy, but DAMN he sure knows how to oscillate.

here is some summer '07 cloud love to get you through the end of january.

finally!

2009-01-26T15:02:00.004-05:00

so, i have finally decided to piece together my etsy shop
it goes slowly and i only have 3 things for sale at the moment, but in the next few days i'll be adding more - jellyfish brooches, glamosaurus sex paint by numbers, more prints, more sculptures, maybe some drawings.
any ideas? i am a major in fibre art but i consider my selves much more miscellaneous than that. if you guys out there in the internet world want to see more or less of anything, please let me know! you are all so fabulous with your love!
now, for some SHAMELESS SELF PROMOTION

if the cell that holds me, breaks me....

2009-01-24T11:34:00.004-05:00

nothing is finished but everything is in motion.
no matter how slightly, with my myriad of technical difficulties
nothing is going according to plan
i try to not let that stop me
but holy moses. coming home from the studio
IN TEARS
is not how i thought it was going to be.

i only printed 1.5 metres, but considering as it is a CMYK separation, i'm not beating my selves over the head with it.
the hexagonal outline reads

dont you ever ever ever trust my mercy

the mobius strip reads

if the cell that holds me, breaks me, it'll be hard to hold

i feel i should change the concept of this blog,
as it seems that everything i say or make
is my own visual representation
to the obsession
of other people's music
swimming in new directions

speaking of new directions

this has no direction, no concept, no reason. i am making them because i do not know how not to.

everything i have been thinking making or saying has been feeling very trite. there is only one way i can overcome these past 4 years, and i am very very afraid.

ouroboros // the mars volta

It appears to me
quoting alarms
guillotine smirks
In your house I smothered

Sight unseen
Sworn to harm
Ground to a powder
And soaked through the board

Don’t you ever, ever, ever trust my mercy
Don’t you ever, ever, ever trust my mercy

When will you flirt with all that’s burning
Keep them safe and by your side

Of all that’s left
A lucid home
Anecdote settles
In the smear of this corpse

If the larvae speaks
Ask where to go
They mount the maker
With a sulphur in fume

Don’t you ever, ever, ever trust my mercy
Don’t you ever, ever, ever trust my mercy

When will you flirt with all that’s burning
Keep them safe and by your side

Of all the warnings that you gave me
With all components in the fault

Have you ever heard me scraping it will be hard to hold

Don’t you ever, ever, ever trust my mercy
Don’t you ever, ever, ever trust my mercy

When will you flirt with all that’s burning
Keep them safe and by your side

Of all the warnings that you gave me
With all components in the fault

Have you ever heard me scraping it will be hard to hold

All I hear mending the gap
fall in here might not make it back
Call that someone may they hear you
Take me with you It’s not safe in here

And all you ask is why, why, why
And all you ask is why I’m certain
you’re holding on
mirror floats to the surface [holding on]

Of all the warnings that you gave me
With all components in the fault

Have you ever heard me scraping it will be hard to hold

Of all the warnings that you gave me
With all components in the fault

Have you ever heard me scraping it will be hard to hold

They lost the presence they were holding
Looks like the tenants flickered off
If the cell that holds me breaks me
It’ll be hard to hold

i can light an alter for them

2009-01-15T15:14:00.003-05:00

like extracting blood from a stone, and pulling firmly rooted teeth
execution in record timing - a snappy 6 days! i don't think i've ever worked this quickly, considering the myriad of complications i've endured.
it is a traditional pagan prayer for the overcoming of substance addiction, a theme i will be exploring more fully over the next little while. it reads

out of the blood, and into the marrow
out of the marrow, and into the bone
out of the bone, and into the skin
out of the skin, and into the hair
out of the hair, and into the sea

white, red, and black embroidery with red hair couching and fingernail applique.

i am hoping to combine my 2 distinct styles - the creepy [the white, the red, and the black] with the colour [2 rainbows collided in your body]

the inspiration behind this particular piece?
xiu you.
dangerous you shouldn't be here // xiu xiu

a witch has come from under the ocean
and with a pointed and sharp finger
snatched my baby by the crook of her jaw
and hooked her breath away
and bloated and cut her soft,
dearest skin and face
her hair has gone from black to green
she used to complain when I used
too much water to wash her hair
I can't imagine what it was like for her
to have died swallowing the sea
I want to pause and offer
your lonely grave farewell but it is covered in mud
it is nowhere there is no way
to light an altar for you
everything is too wet
tight around my neck
tie me with this rotten wire
that snaps its quiet snap
I've poured my life into this world and here I am

again, another submission. the deadline looms.

Siphonophorgasm

2009-01-09T11:53:00.004-05:00

the latest, third, and final instalment of the jellys before they disperse to their new homes in various places around the globe. currently ~2 meters hanging from the ceiling, half a meter in circumference. needs more. siphonophorgasm.

from this, as i learned from the ever lovely other heather

2009-01-09T02:09:00.001-05:00

Heather J- / heather utah
#######
Miscellaneous artist in training
6 january 2009

"What we cannot speak of we must pass over in silence." - Wittgenstein.

subconscious passive human longing comforting obsessive reflective text textiled tiled dominating digital analog imaginary real crafting spellcrafting multiple textured coloured needy incubating illuminating illuminati exposed free public private silent.

ILHU Scout Project

I propose to start a skill sharing secret society. the ilhu scouts, concerning the importance of individual strength as a part of a larger system. Like and unlike many other skill sharing organizations, the ilhu scouts aim to establish and maintain a private sphere surrounding the intimate act of creation. While my own creative background is largely self taught in needlepoint and other miscellaneous craft and artistic practices, I encourage proficient technicians to share their knowledge with a willing student. Despite my own emphasis on secrecy, scout members may choose to be public about their membership and are encouraged to recruit other like-minded people. It is my sincere desire to be a healthy, productive member of my community in the only way I know how. The ilhu scouts are dedicated to the solidity of individuals and individualism in order to solidify a community based on unique, ethical, and proactive beings.

The idea of a society as a small number of people sharing a very specific technical knowledge and passing onto an attentive audience is the 'secret" in secret society as the going-ons of the other members is largely unknown - it is my intention that the ilhu scouts will never assemble as a single unit. But as with the scouts, there are 'badges' that could be potentially earned should one choose to be an 'active' rather than 'passive' member. Active members recruit others to join the skill sharing network; as each member has their own particular strengths and secrets to be passed onto others to benefit. Another role that active members play in badge activities is to learn a new skill and in turn teach a fellow scout member, actively participating in the circular motion of creativity. Passive members are full members of the scout committee but may chose to or not teach another a skill but may participate in the creative process with another as an 'energy booster'. In my practice, I have found that i more productive with another person engaged in creation in the same room than i am alone. By working in pairs or in groups in no more than 4, crafters stimulate others while engaging themselves in other passive communal actions; dialogue, musical appreciation, laughter, or silence. Each badge is designed and made by heather utah and badge recipient. All badges and badge themes are negotiable as this list is based solely on the principles and skills of one person and may be expanded, changed, or specialized.

The non-exclusivity of membership ensures that any person regardless of spiritual, political, sexual, or cultural interests. I intend to create a group of people bound together by the love of the physical and psychological benefits of creative actions. In return, I only ask of the ilhu scouts to treat their fellow people with equal respect while engaging in virtual non-violent behavior to all forms of life, human, animal, and vegetal, and of all property. The scouts are to attend their specified workshops out of their own freewill and are in no way bound to the ilhu scouts. There is no hierarchical structure between active and passive scouts. Although i have started this group, i do not hold any more or less power to change or expand the scope of the group - in fact, the ilhu scouts may be incarnated differently with each scout pair and may share their own ideas as long as the actions contain no malevolent or negative intent. Materials are to be provided by the recipient crafter. If they are serious enough about learning and mastering a new skill they should be willing to invest supplies as well as energy into it.

Activities may include
craft skills
technical skills
language
music
cooking
outdoor activities

Subject to change in regards to the needs and abilities of the individual scouts.

Other themes include personal and cultural symbolism, the examined self, public and private space, community service, leadership, and craftsmanship.
The ilhu scouts are currently being conducted out of my own home, but workshops may take place in the homes of scouts and I am currently seeking a temporary space for public display.

Selected Sources of Research and Inspiration

Benjamin Walter. The Work of Art in the Age of Mechanical Reproduction.
http://iheartfbrs.pbwiki.com/The+Work+of+Art+in+the+Age+of+Mechanical+Reproduction

Bishop, Claire. Antagonism and Relational Aesthetics.
http://iheartfbrs.pbwiki.com/claire+bishop

Bourriaud, Nicolas. Relational Aesthetics. Les Presses du reel. 2002.

Girl Guides of Canada.
http://www.girlguides.ca/default1.asp?id=1179

The International Order of the Rainbow for Girls
http://www.gorainbow.org/home/home.taf

Kloosterman, Jaan. Secret Societies : A Very Short History. International Institute of Social History.
http://www.iisg.nl/collections/secretsocieties/index.php

Janoff, Reverend Callie. A Sermon. The Church of Craft.
http://churchofcraft.org/a-sermon-simple-and-captivating/

Jung, C G., ed. Man and His Symbols. Dell, New York: 1977.

Philips, Adam. On Kissing, Tickling, and Being Bored. Harvard University Press, Massachusetts: 1993.

Secret Men's Business
http://billykblog.blogspot.com/2006/09/starting-secret-society-part-7.html

Storr, Anthony. Solitude. Harper Collins, London, 1997.

planet earth is blue and there's nothing i can do.

what have you done lately?

2009-01-05T20:34:00.004-05:00

inspired by boredom, cartoons, bad movies, and relational aesthetics [as interpreted badly by the author]

the crowd massed quickly on the corner of ste catherines and atwater
my fear ran thick in my throat, i could feel the acid wearing away.
it was cold and grey but not that cold then colder after about 30 mins.
my politic apathy and wild misunderstandings of religion took hold immediately.
death to ANYONE won't get my vote and i am amazed at the intolerance of other people, here! in canada! you give people the benefit of doubt that we are a 'safe' place to be - and we are constantly reminded that this is not the case. i felt that in the heat of an undying hatred and violence towards 2 very different yet fundamentally similar people, i had to placate their energy with my own apolitical activity.
there is no way i could expect anyone to know why i [we] did what we did - i don't even think i get the whole story but i am glad i did. in this serious, serious, world we just had to spend the sunday together doing what we both do best - CARPE DIEM.

the idea behind it all

me being there, smirking even with awful slogans being yelled through megaphones and people carrying faux dead babies around, as if they know exactly what it must feel like to actually hold your dead and bleeding child

the trick : partnership is key if pulling off a stunt like this. always have your camera ready. smile a lot, it is confusing to an angry, somber crowd. keep moving especially if cold. don't try to blend in, people might mistake you for having chosen a particular, remain impartial at all times.

and remember : don't listen to a batshit thing anyone has to say about your actions. respect, tolerate. forget anyone who condemns anyone for political / spiritual direction. this is a world where all human life is respected equally. i would love to also say animal but unfortunately this is not the case. take responsibility for your actions throughout. direction is a CHOICE.

when we were very young

2008-12-27T02:15:00.003-05:00

when i was young i stayed home
collected stamps
and made up people named after fonts.

newness!

2008-12-25T11:46:00.005-05:00

merry xxxmas, merry x-mass, happy yule!

very many new things on the ilhu ranch! a change of traditions and wonderful things brought me a new computer [with open source photo editing software], and a brand new lens for Agamemnon! he is now wearing a macro nikkor 60 mm 1:2.8 g ed that i am loving! and with all new things, they take a lot of time getting used to. i took some photos this morning and *tried* editing them with seashore. ugh! what a nightmare. not that it is bad, but i am used to photoshop cs2 on a pc, and now i'm using this on a macbook. weeeeird. i'm having a lot of trouble finding the functions - like photo resize and i don't like the crop function. it doesn't have nearly as many of the functions as photoshop but luckily i only ever play with size, colour, contrast, levels, curves [don't think seashore has levels/curves functions]. my recent additions to flickr are out of whack - none of them are the same ratio or size or anything, but i am trying. please be patient with me. here are some in full season regalia!

i was so so so lucky to have retema come for a visit a few days ago [he is in mtl for only a few more days!!]. i took many many film photos in our historical desired condition. we lived in the forest. it is supposed to be this way. he took a photo of me.

now that i have all this fancy dance equipment, i would love to update more often on my artistic endeavours. i havent been unproductive - quite the opposite! i have been crocheting like a mad woman, so there will be much more. also i would like to set up my etsy shop and really start trying to do what i have been wanting. these things take time, so it's time for a butt kicking! flickr update :: pro account expires much too soon. help me fuel this all!!!!

ass kickery commencing NOW!

i believe in the power of the new surprise

2008-12-15T22:40:00.005-05:00

the next 48 were spent gonzo sewing and BRAIN BUSTERS and toys

i start 20million things before i finish them all at the same time

there is a surprise for them all but i wont say anything else
there was no knowing ANYTHING else

print finale
wherein i learn i am not cut out to pursue pure printing
:master printer: i say no thanks
i'll stick to being a maker of unique objects

imaginary cartographies
boiled down to simple shapes
i took the liberty of using print to explore different aspects of my art making
i used earthy tones [instead of my usual gaudy palette of rainbow psychosis] and minimal lines and shapes.
3 colour fuji plate print edition of 10
3 on 'good' paper
3 on silk organza
4 on green graph paper

apocalyptic advertisement
3 months of working on stone and i still don't 'get' stone
there are certain imagistic fixations which will most likely haunt me for all my time - quetzacoatl may be one of them.
my aim this time was to make my inner violent conflicts a bit more ... obvious. working with a giant press is an act of limbo - maybe in limbo, a reaction to the equipment of how i felt at the time. low, high, low, high...there is solace in paint slinging on a print you are wholly dissatisfied with. red makes up for a +++
i was in the mood for something carnal, out of sorts, me but not me but more than me

much time has passed since i felt any desire. so much of my selves lie in that end of the control arena. it is not so much a dissatisfaction as it is denial. i won't conform to circle/triangle/square if i really am a CONE.

i cannot build an altar

2008-12-06T22:08:00.003-05:00

after many days and nights spent it is, as of this past tuesday, finished.
i have learned that i cannot search for permanence in a place that is not mine.
the next step is to find my own place of isolation in which i can be free to drown in this cotton jelly.

truth : i had spent several days and nights inhabiting and working in this donated office space at concordia university. on many occasions i was mistaken for an mfa student, which i went along with.

and so i spent these days and nights crafting small objects with my thoughts, at first in silence, finally to music. in that silence i became to aware of time and place in that world continuing to exist behind my self imposed isolation. i was able to know that at exactly 4:55 every afternoon, the vent would stop it's humming of recycled air. i knew that it was a saturday night when i heard the excessive noises of happy hockey fans [the VA is a block away from the bell centre].

i forgot what it was like to be in pain.

excerpts from the clubhouse logbook ::

sunday
"out the window i cannot see the street all i see is a parkinglot, a gas station concrete steel glass structures without history and no horizon only sky and some naked trees. on the west wall there is a crack btwn the windowledge and the wall - there is cold air there, it seeps in almost unnoticed but if you put your ear there you can hear it."

monday
"...always hiding! i am the girl who hides in the bathroom at parties which is why i never go to parties anymore...i feel as if this initial fear sabotages any chance i have at gaining social skills. but i don't want social skills, previous experiences and attempts have taught me to not bother. i choke when i speak...i find i am very boring. being in a crowd of more than 3 makes me nauseous and i lose my cool. so i just stopped trying."

"as happy as i want to be, i can't help but feel a tinge of sadness seep into everything i say and make and do. too often the words that come out of my mouth are 'uuuuuh i don't know'. get a know a no a gnome?...11 pm guard checks door...asks me if i'm ok...honestly, i didn't know how to answer the question"

wednesday
"yesterday was the first day in about 2 weeks that i have seen the sun...a foreign sensation, as if our / my eyes were not made to handle its existence...coming from a lover of clouds. always _______ [inadequate]. just when i get used to things, i pass them over in silence."

"6:17 :: z - and then e!...it was nice having another productive person in the room with me - there is energy there - feeding on positivity...it is easy to be lazy by my selves, but if someone else is here i feel the need to keep on making and feeding...mmm...yesterdai i left my fingernails on the shelf and today they are gone."

thursday
"sometimes it is hard to be happy november days, especially when...i have 'mike' stuck in my head...'sometimes i feel i'm not nice because it's hard for me to think something happy about you except for that dad, i love you, and i will always always miss you'"

saturday
"DON'T THINK"

tuesday
"yesterday's stupid action ended up being much more traumatic than i initially thought...i was the dumbest bitch on the planet, on the second floor landing, crying buckets...lesson fucking learned. a little cut up, and i am very angry with my selves. i am sick of the lazy person i've become"

wednesday
"can i believe it? i am in the clubhouse at 930? am?"

friday
"i am feeling really good...it is rain, it is night...is it love?...are they like me, so unsure of that outside world, willing to give it up for this solitude....i remember, not that long ago - even this summer, my dislike for my aloneness - walking, riding the train, seeing shows. something i was not ok with....i only cut 7 nails today, this night...should have taken that sideways sight slicing as an aura for my right eye failing me. just made the perfect jellyfish."

saturday
"fact : montreal is not open 24 hours though i always feel it hsould be"

tuesday [crit day]
hello hello hello it's over...that day. it is the storm before the calm before the storm"

for anyone interested + in the greater montreal area, the installation is up till the 19th of december 2008. please message me if you would like to see it feel it touch it.

the smallest kiss in the world

2008-11-22T01:18:00.003-05:00

for a week now i have been inhabiting this space in the VA building at school. this is the one place i could feel safe this month.
the first 3 days i have lived there without sound. the only things i could hear were those of the outside world, of people living a life i could not bear to lead. many times during this week have i [almost] ran there to escape every other place i have been. i had always felt safe in the school's communal studios [i am thinking those of my department in particular] but have felt just awful in printmaking. i have learned i have too much of a soul to be a printmaker - i am not superficial or cliquey enough to be a part of all that. spend the first 2 years of my career working with a master as a sponger? i am an object maker, a space manipulator, not a sponge handler.
which is why i love love love my jelly installation. here i crochet, embroider, weave, draw, imagine jellyfish to life, coat my innards with their silent love, if only trying to fill a void inside of me.
there are too many things i feel i have lost - part of my selves, my friends, and sadly above all, my families. there are relationships i will never have again, ones i needed and lost due to unimaginative conversations and desires to be with others. i cannot be the daughter i wanted to be. so i seclude my other selves obsessively and anthropophobically.
i am disconnected from my art processes - they lead to no places. focus energies evenly. do well for all time, crushed under the weight of my own artistic ungenius.
there is an expiration date to this precious space i have. i don't know what i'll do once its gone. i know i'll manage, i always do, but,
i wish i knew how to say this, i wish i knew how to say just how painful it is - physically as well as emotionally. my heart is as heavy as the knot in my throat is tight. plato's cave [only of love]
it is the ok vs the great [somehow lost]
i always feel so close to giving up [i never do]
i know i am halfway done, may the worst be over
september: i felt so strong - i knew it was all so fleeting but now,

disco sensation

2008-11-15T02:52:00.003-05:00

is there nothing quite like a distractive project?
there are certain wordly issues i am trying to express but feel far too uneducated to tread. my current symbolic fixation is replaced by another - potentially less threatening one. embrace incubation, it will help.

a bloom is a bloom is a bloom.
making each one is a treat in the 'house. thank you for a buffer zone 'tween home and school, a new space to venture and enjoy. hiding. wallflower. who is that flower beside me?
like the originals, shadow dancing on the wall, it is time and space,,,,

the creep. the one afraid. camouflage.

2008-11-07T22:26:00.003-05:00

the creep looks ] for it in unwelcome places.

so they hide.
we hide.

there is no escaping here.

fumbling towards ecstasy // sarah mclachlan

All the fear has left me now
I'm not frightened anymore
It's my heart that pounds beneath my flesh
it's my mouth that pushes out this breath
and if I shed a tear I won't cage it
I won't fear love
and if I feel a rage I won't deny it
I won't fear love
Companion to our demons
they will dance, and we will play
With chairs, candles, and cloth
making darkness in the day
It will be easy to look in or out
upstream or down without a thought
and if I shed a tear I won't cage it
I won't fear love
and if I feel a rage I won't deny it
I won't fear love
Peace in the struggle
to find peace
comfort on the way
to comfort
and if I shed a tear I won't cage it
I won't fear love
and if I feel a rage I won't deny it
I won't fear love

ILHU scouts - BETA

2008-10-23T12:30:00.002-04:00

yes, ILHU but this love is not exclusive

a solid community is based on individually solid beings. ILHU scouts are dedicated to the solidity of individuals and individualism in order to help make a better community.

one on one 'meetings' [for lack of a better word], ILHU scouts will not meet as an official group in any setting. a skill sharing 'organization' aimed at the passing on of knowledge and information from ONE person to another.

all members may remain unknown or anonymous to other members of the group [with the exception of heather utah]. as there is no hierarchy, ILHU scouts may meet for skill sharing without the knowledge of heather utah but must be notified if working for badges so they can be properly made and documented.

-scouts work for themselves working for others
-crafts and lifestyles for self love and secrecy
-non violence for sharing
-respect for all creatures of the world [animate and inanimate]

BADGES

all badges and badge themes are negotiable as this list is based solely on the principles and skills of one person and may be expanded, changed, or specialisation.

crafts

sewing [machine and/or hand]
embroidery
quilting / patchwork
knitting
crochet
general needlework
digital photography
analogue photography
sculpture
collage
graffiti
general public art

lifestyle

vegetarianism
weird haircut
cephalophilia
LGBT
pineapple crew
love is for nazis [this is going to require a lot of explanation]
groupie [band of choice]
buy nothing day
cloud appreciation
tattoo
piercing
general body modification
pro choice

body work

swimming
biking
hiking
camping
kayaking
general sport
intake

interdisciplinary

macrocosm
microcosm
pen pals
discovery
DIY
ms / mr fix it
cartography
muffin sales
bloggery

photo + bleach = <3

2008-10-19T14:21:00.003-04:00

what to do with the nonsensical prints?
pour bleach on them
scratch at them
thank you to seth for yet another fantastical idea

they are not only photographs but objects

our very blind walk

2008-10-17T22:19:00.003-04:00

taking away the sense of sight heightens all others

in taking our blindfolded class into a familiar environment we asked them to draw what they could smell, feel, fear, hear ::

we were all holding hands, their trust in us

co curated with lysanne and raphaelle

holgology for the ages

2008-10-15T21:20:00.003-04:00

to there - age is there is no age through a plastic lens.
scramble time
2008 or 1808?

some things never change. some things change just enough to trip your throat when you rip that envelope. some things cause your insides to melt into the mucus and blood you originated as.

my body is returning to the earth, so slowly.

wewehe :: is it forever?
going back is not an option, you would not recognise this voice.

many works in many progresses

2008-10-03T20:23:00.005-04:00

school is fool

i printed my very first edition in lithography yesterday
i miss spending hours and hours and hours in studio
10 - 730 !!
i rolled up, etched, printed and cleaned
here is my stone ::

many works are in the process

:: pyramids for the animals
:: names of alleys // my very private map
:: men and women as lovers
:: knitting the tape of love

men and women as lovers isn't really art tho
it was only born out of the fact that i have been spending a lot of time laying about in bed with a demi stranger speaking and learning about a life
i wanted to conduct a social experiment in comparison to all my lovers / unlovers i have known but not very well. [please do not think that is the reason i become attached, tho it is good way to detach from another]
love is life is art
is it?

we go furthur than we've gone before

our [un]love is private
is it?

my eye is crooked
is it?

there is just something about attachment
my private feel i must share
my smut of clover

am i using this man?
i don't know how i feel about my selves
we are the one you are

that is the part of my life that is art

i am beginning to think i exist only in the plural
my selves
my loves
my lives
my love lives

mapping

2008-09-23T21:43:00.004-04:00

ilhu successfully rips off both Ten In The Swear Jar and Piet Mondrian

PS
yesterday was my birthday. i turned 22 on the 22nd.
i am enjoying being in my 20s despite the fact that i am awkward and unsavoury

stick together with the tape, the tape of love [sticky stuff]

2008-09-16T20:46:00.008-04:00

this is a primarily structures oriented idea for print&dye ii.
this half's theme is DISPLAY. i am using the physical tape and their exteriors in 2 different [currently undecided] contexts.
knitting with tape is a crinkly and surprisingly painful experience. so are disassembling the tapes [speed just does not want to come undone. i mean i LOVE keanu reeves [heather utah, anyone?] but my lord he is just awful].

the goods ::
vhs - the free box at pote-tr
cassettes - pokorski / wilansky res. - st laurent sidewalk - creepy antique store on st laurent that RULES
beta - creepy antique store again [they sell nazi memorabilia too!]
8 tracks - monastiraki

accepts donations.

also! on the topic of nazis, they have been on my mind the past little while, especially after seeing this ::

i am dig dig digging the UNPOP unmovement [along with anything taboo]
yes, i do recognise that associating myself with certain unpleasantries could harm my unreputation but i uncare.
i happen to think that the swastika is really down on its luck in a visual sense, with its dynamic lines - essentially it is a block / square with 4 slivers cut cut cut out. matched with soft pastels and a hot hot hot girl [if she is the girl i think she is, she got kicked off suicidegirls.com for submitting a set [that was indeed approved by the mods [way to go, guys]] that carried similar 'racist' undertones.

i do realise i am digging myself in some sort of unarty hole here, does my whiteness in conjunction with a swastika mean i'm antisemitic? can i pull my queer card out to free me?

BTW
[ilhu does not condone the genocide of 9 - 10 - 11 mill. semites, gypsies, POWs, communists, homosexuals, and disabled peoples]

PRESS PUBLISH

ps
i updated control's text version today. i did the math, i add up to 8000 days, even. no joke.
is there a coincidence i am not getting?
september o8's fibre is magnetic tape. august 08 was white and blue acrylique / cotton, july 08 was a light kelly green cotton [both summer months' scheme was handpicked by retema], june 08 was a cmy mix.

first thing is last

2008-09-12T12:12:00.003-04:00

as you all may or may not know
i'm an art school kid
21 years 356 days jerky
i really dislike what i make
so here is something that has grown on me in the past year [or so]
give me foxen, give me rabbits, give me saturn
and CLOWDES

CLOSER

2008-09-07T00:20:00.003-04:00

bee beside me

potential breakdown

these dawg days of summer

2008-08-31T11:35:00.003-04:00

am i trying too hard? i don't really know why i'm doing this - i'm not trying to prove anything, i just think i'm * funny * i don't know if i would call this art, but there is a level of creativity involved. i used to only ever write on ads because i was sick of being told what to see if only because some dude in an office somewhere paid enough money to expose me to whatever bullshit s/he is trying to sell me. anything from education to salvation to organ donation.
anything from why? to support our oppressors OH to MMMMMEAT.
also, 2 sleeps till school, i've got to get whatever is left of this sillyperson out of my before it's businesstime.

should i argue with luv?

play drawing

2008-08-29T17:55:00.002-04:00

i finally got around to fetching my portfolio

sketch etc

2008-08-25T00:48:00.004-04:00

haven't been terribly productive the past few days
sketchbook takes i've had on agamemnon for a while

accidnt

2008-08-21T12:40:00.003-04:00

the first time i dropped furthur [i did it again with the film that's still in there, only this one is going to be worse, all thanks to the assholes on the bus who don't get out of the waaaaaay]

and another
and out

tonight i am assembling more ilhu flags. if i really am the queen of these alleys, tomorrow is the day i claim them.

surface underneath

2008-08-17T17:07:00.005-04:00

i'm not much of a painter, i have no formal training in it whatsoever. i refer it mainly as paintslinging, it's an instantaneous access to colour that covers a lot of space. these are each sketchbook drawings cut and collaged onto 5x7 dollarama canvas [3 for $1, oh yea!]

paintslinglings always take me a while to complete because i like the mostly opaque layering effect that acrylique paint gives me and i never plan what i make, so i do something ie this and put it down for a while till i figure out what to do next.

i would like more animalia on coccyx

another collaged image on vert

this one is my fave - i would like something fibrous added to this guy.

i am inspired by reqian textures. and bones. you're the [default] inspiration.

HISTology

2008-08-13T15:58:00.003-04:00

2 arts in one day!

ink drawings of forms adapted from histology slides

[found in a book from monastiraki for $6]

miscellaneous berry flesh

watercolour paper bound with wire and canvas

first attempts [you make everyday feel like kindergarten]

2008-08-13T14:37:00.007-04:00

weird day,,,,,,,,,,,,continued

the feeling of uncomfort runs hot down my spine, like anger, only i well boiling tears of frustration and interior sadness. time grates on me. i knit instead. this is only the beginning of my own pull.

here are some of my holga prints [looking hazy because i photographed the prints instead of scanning them] [because i haven't a scanner]]

cut at what was one once

were we there? change in tangible photographs,,,,,,,i am so used to seeing my photos as dots of colour on a screen and now they are dots of colour on a paper in my hand on my wall. i see the past differently, it feels much furthur away. not 2008 anymore again. 1548. 1978, love was there. carve away at the earth and reluctantly finish your [my] tasks. life is futile, life is trying to stay business enough to distract you from the past and the things you [i] love most. occupy yourselves [myselves]

my selves, my elves.

КОНТРОЛ :: три

2008-08-09T14:17:00.009-04:00

retema came home for lunch today and he took photos of me wearing control

go visit him and tell him what a flippin amazing photographer / all around dude he is

i love that i have been working on control for ~6 months and it is constantly reborn into something new in collaboration with another artist

everyday feels like kindergarten

i am knitting
i am collaging

i love that it doesn't even feel like work.

i am drawing

i love sharing what i do with another person who appreciates it as much as i

i am loving

everyday is new
i wear control and my age is spread out over my limbs and face
i am wearing everyday of my life
i feel old in my 21 years

i feel young in my life
there is always more to be done

flesh and light

2008-08-06T14:49:00.001-04:00

i am alright with pain. i am alright with absence.
not so much with obsess or abscess.

three words

2008-08-02T14:06:00.004-04:00

but this is not the place for that

metamorphosis

μεταμόρφωσις, "transformation, transforming", from μετα- (meta-), "change" + μορφή (morfe) "form"

i don't know how else to change, than to find a saturniidae corpse underneath the leaves. it's body disintegrated by the time i returned to rat city, but luckily the wings were intact. like a surgeon, slicing away at the rotting parts of the wings [the bugs had managed to get to it before i did], i felt like i was hurting it. i replaced it's body and it's past with wire and other scrap metal. trying to recreate the stages, trying not to cry.

the adventures continue - but i feel different now. time hadn't bothered me before, but now i can feel it creeping. i hadn't wanted that slow sadness to be felt yet.

i am feeling repetitive, caught in revolutions instead of evolutions. there is the chance to break out, but personally this distance is making me feel a little numb. our days are numbered - when are they not? i would much prefer to remain oblivious to that, i am far more appreciative in that way.

i would like them alone. - we will though, we just have to wait.

wait.

i need to dry off a bit before i go one, even though there isn't really time for that.

love is no light

2008-07-30T17:59:00.002-04:00

view largest!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Miranda, That Ghost Just Isn't Holy Anymore: B. Pour Another Icepick // The Mars Volta

I think I’ve become one of the others.

There was a frail syrup dripping off his lap danced lapel.
Punctuated by her becrepit prowl she, washed down the hatching gizzard.
Soft as a mane of needles, his orifice icicles hemorrhaged by combing her torso to a pile.
Perspired, the trophy shelves made room for his collapse, she was a mink handjob in sarcophagus heels.

Bring me to my knees, tead the sharpened lines.
All my arms, bled me blind.
Faucet leaks in shadows,spilling from, morgue lancet caressed your fontanelle.
I’ve sworn to kill, every last one, every last one.
Panic in the shakes of the wounded, Panic in the worms.
Onto the floor And out of your mouth and Out of your eyelids.

No there’s no light, in the darkest of your furthest reaches.
No there’s no light, in the darkest of your furthest reaches.

All your dreams, splintered off.
Leech by leech, on this catafalque.
Anyone will tell you, yes anyone.
Chance had me setting the trip wire alarm.
Your mother flirted, with disease, when she skinned that costume by it’s navel strings.
Panic in the shakes of the wounded, panic in the worms, onto the floor, and out of your mouth out of your eyelids.

No there’s no light, in the darkest of your furthest reaches

Shock lest shackles free you, Volt face cons.
Abandon you again, I won’t feel, not this time.

drawing attempt

2008-07-24T20:11:00.001-04:00

2008-07-18T15:46:00.004-04:00

i can't decide which i prefer - floral genitalia or pieces of bodies.

beauty in the cameraeye of the beholder.

there is blood seeping from my nasal passages.

question

2008-07-17T20:08:00.004-04:00

does this bother you?

WHY?

kia ora!

2008-07-16T16:17:00.003-04:00

of clouds and nights and loss

after 2 and half weeks acceptance is settled comfortably in her niche. i miss the familiar smells. summer is like that - missing former places and times without fully appreciating the new ones. it's an unfortunate inevitability, as time is rolling on to bigger and better events and relationships.
missing people, meeting people, only to miss them again. this is what living in the real world is like. my years of solitude [either real or imagined] is over for the time being. attention devoted to others and art because LAUGHTER and an obliviously unserious outlook is key in defeating my self loathing. i have not laughed so much as i have these past many days and nights. there is drama coming in, but i'm not giving it the energy it needs to continue, so it sits there, dead in my inbox.
semi transient lifestyle yields mixed results. productivity is up tenfold. trading my talents for goods. holga is in the post. summer drawing class is finally put to good use. i have photographed everything but am waiting to put together my portfolio before i unveil anything too uninteresting.

don't tell anybody this but yesterday i went to the mountain in the afternoon and mingled with some somewhat undesirable people. i stretched my hustling muscles on the hustlers - props to ilhu, you! also to the lies i told - never reveal your weaknesses to dealers. if you're really a country girl, say you're from the city. if you know french, say you don't. if you'll never come back, say you will. i understood every word they said, and could run faster than all of them [in flip flops, mind you]

karma will knock soon enough
'it's time for your weekly beating'
just tell them i'm not here.
raapeti can run faster than her actions.

now for something completely different.

life and love are fibre-licious.

life and love are curious

listening to sunday on saturday

2008-06-08T02:55:00.003-04:00

why can't everyone feel this way?

just unfocus
this won't hurt a bit

clouds

2008-05-31T13:18:00.002-04:00

Quetzalcoatl

2008-04-28T00:15:00.003-04:00

I have always believed that being an artist means living on the edge of madness - and it has never been so true as it was this week -
I finally decided to finish this painting after it was hanging around my house for almost a year. The opportunity arose after the desire for the monster to live - to think of death for so long to want to follow through on those thoughts. Suicide seems normal to me - a much more comforting relief from life than disease or happenstance. I would still much rather be my own killer than succumb to cancer or homicide or the grill of some asshole's truck. I do realise that I have a lot more to do in this world - so I'll be alive for the next little while. Now before anyone freaks out on me and thinks I'm a horrible monster - I assure you I am. And I'm getting the so - called * help * I need. Even though I don't really think I need help - that must mean there's something wrong with me.
The Quetzalcoatl character is no accident - I'm looking forward to 2012. Of course there are too many humans on this planet, and even though I am trying to send out as many good vibes as possible [I also started volunteering this week] I know I am inevitably contributing to the poisoning of the earth.
Is it any coincidence Xiu Xiu's 'Mike' just started playing? No. Maybe. Yes.
I'm going to go to bed and read Lawrence E Joseph's 'Apocalypse 2012'. And tomorrow I will wake up and go to work and pretend to be a productive member of a terrible society.

Let Freedom Ring

2008-04-20T21:38:00.005-04:00

I am not too impressed with these violent works of art going on - that is abortion art
and the mighty dog mockery
it still happens though - which makes it an interesting topic to want to document - to remember that it is real. It's just too bad it requires destruction - making it [in my eyes] unethical to do that to your body. I know it's just flesh but it happens to hold the pieces of your mind self together. There should then be care for the body - nor can it live without the mind.
And why would you hypothetically instill that onto another [lesser, in a loose sense] creature. We as artists should not perpetuate the destruction by the human race. I should want to rise above the horror!

also i have a small shop here

Hollow Invasion

2008-04-17T20:51:00.006-04:00

1 cephalopod creature
1 dreamcatcher of a hula hoop or hula hoop of a dreamcatcher
a couple dozen jellyfish things

Hollow Invasion more or less deals with that phase of nightmares I had a couple of weeks ago, which prompted the quitting of certain bad habits.

the text reads as such [in glow in the dark acrylique paint]
***********************************
TURN THOSE DAMN LIGHTS OFF
LITTLE CEPHALOPOD GIRL
DO I LOOK ALRIGHT?

Hollow Invasion
you better not believe a word this girl says she's a fucking MONSTER a child of the DEEP throating her way to false love having never really liked the people she's loved and would rather do it with a COMPLETE and total STRANGER than to ever have to look him in the eyes again and get another migraine, that ROTTING, CARVING, EVIL 'I' both embrace and abhor always fighting and flying - like a bee she'll die once she's stung someone like a shark she'll die once she stops moving and despite her non-violent front she wants to kick some SERIOUS ASS
***********************************

the funny thing about this is that after the critique i went home and slept 13 hours of dreamless sleep.

Responsibility

2008-04-04T23:01:00.001-04:00

por::ffav act III!!!
crit day - satisfied as usual
getting some awesome pimpage here and here
i would love to expand it as well - summer [by summer i mean the end of the semester] is fast approaching and would love love to keep on the assembly. what i really should be doing is take advantage of the studio space in order to print more more more so that i keep posting throughout summer [the real summer]

control is now in a glass case on the 9th floor of concordia university's EV building [you know the really fancy one with the giant flower on the side]

april means more clouds. and apparently snow as well.

i would like to know when the philosophy part steps in - soon soon. there are some *things* which need to be ironed out first [mainly my own concept of personal identity and agency] which for now will be replaced with a million carpets.

my self image needs some work, but this is it for now. i'm not into telling people what to feel; you know who you are. please take responsibility for your own actions. please take responsibility for your own emotions. don't start or perpetuate drama. drink lots of water and wash your fase. that is all.

Catching UP

2008-04-01T13:13:00.001-04:00

Here are some past fibre works!

control - 2008

knitting a row for every day i'm alive [changing colour every month]

the rabbits - 2008

2 magical rabbits go on a journey in northern quebec to find their roots.

OBM panel - group project to bring comfort to the mission! - 2007

world view of the arctic ocean etc

embroidery - 2007

experimenting with film negatives

self portrait / transformation - 2007
this print is a mess but so am i
black saturn / white e.coli / blue and yellow foxes & rabbits

block printed 3m of green cotton transformed into dichotomized cloud pillows [atom / nebula - nimbus / water drop not shown]

electron cloud

nebula

is that it?? ibasketry samples are due tomorrow and i haven't really been keeping up - i've been far too focused on por::ffav and on twining a million little jellyfish. yesterday i got called out as a hipster - the truth really does hurt, i will try to be as nonchalant as possible from now on [she says as she eats her sushi] dammit. maybe i'll just go grab a spot of tea [dammit] ok maybe have a [vanilla] cigarillo? [dammit] nope. once hipped cannot be unhipped.

am i the only one who likes to pretend to be other people for a day? it's a lot like going on mini - adventures in your own life.

tomorrow is the big day. wish me luck!!!

pieces of resistance :: flags for a vengeance act II

2008-03-31T01:43:00.001-04:00

the hardest part was walking away from them. but as far as i know they are still there. i hope someone takes one. and likes it.

act III better be ready by wednesday. i would write more but my eyes won't let me stare at any one thing for much longer.

pieces of resistance :: flags for a vengeance act I

2008-03-24T23:56:00.000-04:00

flags for a vengeance!

so yesterday i started the assembly for print & dye final. i am looking forward to a public piece.
i'm thinking of detailing the backgrounds of the bus, and possibly squaring the prints to make it easier. in any case assembly is a cinch, i need to get better at printing.

and spending hours in studio means watching the sunset, and more importantly, the moon RISE

in search of third eye
something always rises from
the ashes of distress

beep beep

2008-03-23T15:22:00.001-04:00

heather utah here
meow meow meow testing testing

i do stuff like this

:: 21, living in montreal. fibre arts major at concordia university ::

listening to :: i don't play the drumz // ten in the swear jar
feeling :: crafty