wherein our hero questions your authenticity

i can never think of anything intelligent / interesting to say
other than the negative to the negative of all else

hesitation and consequence
, an archival of failure





inspirations ::
BOYD RICE
andy warhol
anton newcombe
anton lavey
charles manson
claudia kishi
mollie sue
catherine lawrence
mark z danielewski
hoop girl [from ooooh so long ago. she haunts thoughts that cross years]
francis picabia
lovecraft ;;; springtime is lovecraft, with the discovery of underground lairs and crypto-everything.

all i can do is rebel the rebels, protest the protest



MY MOTHER SAID
TO GET THINGS DONE
YOU BETTER NOT MESS WITH MAJOR TOM

overdose

a small part in my series on substance habituation
drawing this / writing this actually didn't take me as long as i originally anticipated.
i
my speed [har har] astounds me
i'm trying to get this on the primary level - i'm avoiding scientific records and data and attempting to make my own sources - all anonymously, of course.
i'm saving the spam in my box because for some convenient reason i'm on some pharmaceutical listserve.
dead mellotron is the best spam i ever heard, i tells ya.

here are some other lovelies i've done

a brooch on etsy
[recognize?]



a small mock up for my traveling show



speaking of shows, you're going to have to wait a little longer before anyone sees me in one. something tells me i should just not even adhere to the hipsterism of galleries in mtl - i would love to see a show that DOESN'T ooze pretentious annoying. <---- this is why you'll never see me at a vernissage. a] large groups of people in rooms make me extremely anxious b] i dislike talking with peope if only to 'network' and have them add you on facebook and never talk to them again c] i unfortunately can't be bothered to see what 'my contemporaries are up to' because i just see the same thing over and over again.
rejection makes me bitter SO BITTER. i dislike attempting good ideas, applying, submitting, waiting, and being rejected. it's a no-win situation. it gets me writing and making but so far i've applied to many shows to no avail. i'm 22 and already i'm tired of sucking at what i love doing. i'm upset over it because i took it personally. i love love this piece now and wanted to have it seen as i do. there are pieces of me in there [really, physically!] - maybe they just couldn't handle it's fierceness? who cares why. it's done, there's nothing i can do other than make some more to for people to dislike. TOO BAD.
the streets will always eat my art. it's a solo show everyday of the week!

i actually DID leave the house today - we made the conscious effort to hear alessandro cortini lecture about his owesome modulator. it seems the only 'shows' i do see have very little to do with my 'scene'. i figure if i'm going to go out in the MTL snow it may as well be something i've never seen / heard before. i spend 12+ hours per day with fibres, sculpture, and text. there is more to life than that. at least i sure hope there is.

for anyone in the MTL area who enjoys electroacoustics, i would highly recommend seeing cortini's show. it's this friday [the 30th] at the oscar peterson concert hall. not only is he a really cool guy, but DAMN he sure knows how to oscillate.

here is some summer '07 cloud love to get you through the end of january.

if the cell that holds me, breaks me....

nothing is finished but everything is in motion.
no matter how slightly, with my myriad of technical difficulties
nothing is going according to plan
i try to not let that stop me
but holy moses. coming home from the studio
IN TEARS
is not how i thought it was going to be.



i only printed 1.5 metres, but considering as it is a CMYK separation, i'm not beating my selves over the head with it.
the hexagonal outline reads

dont you ever ever ever trust my mercy

the mobius strip reads

if the cell that holds me, breaks me, it'll be hard to hold

i feel i should change the concept of this blog,
as it seems that everything i say or make
is my own visual representation
to the obsession
of other people's music
swimming in new directions

speaking of new directions



this has no direction, no concept, no reason. i am making them because i do not know how not to.

everything i have been thinking making or saying has been feeling very trite. there is only one way i can overcome these past 4 years, and i am very very afraid.

ouroboros // the mars volta

It appears to me
quoting alarms
guillotine smirks
In your house I smothered

Sight unseen
Sworn to harm
Ground to a powder
And soaked through the board

Don’t you ever, ever, ever trust my mercy
Don’t you ever, ever, ever trust my mercy

When will you flirt with all that’s burning
Keep them safe and by your side

Of all that’s left
A lucid home
Anecdote settles
In the smear of this corpse

If the larvae speaks
Ask where to go
They mount the maker
With a sulphur in fume

Don’t you ever, ever, ever trust my mercy
Don’t you ever, ever, ever trust my mercy

When will you flirt with all that’s burning
Keep them safe and by your side

Of all the warnings that you gave me
With all components in the fault

Have you ever heard me scraping it will be hard to hold

Don’t you ever, ever, ever trust my mercy
Don’t you ever, ever, ever trust my mercy

When will you flirt with all that’s burning
Keep them safe and by your side

Of all the warnings that you gave me
With all components in the fault

Have you ever heard me scraping it will be hard to hold

All I hear mending the gap
fall in here might not make it back
Call that someone may they hear you
Take me with you It’s not safe in here

And all you ask is why, why, why
And all you ask is why I’m certain
you’re holding on
mirror floats to the surface [holding on]

Of all the warnings that you gave me
With all components in the fault

Have you ever heard me scraping it will be hard to hold

Of all the warnings that you gave me
With all components in the fault

Have you ever heard me scraping it will be hard to hold

They lost the presence they were holding
Looks like the tenants flickered off
If the cell that holds me breaks me
It’ll be hard to hold

ILHU scouts - BETA

yes, ILHU but this love is not exclusive

a solid community is based on individually solid beings. ILHU scouts are dedicated to the solidity of individuals and individualism in order to help make a better community.

one on one 'meetings' [for lack of a better word], ILHU scouts will not meet as an official group in any setting. a skill sharing 'organization' aimed at the passing on of knowledge and information from ONE person to another.

all members may remain unknown or anonymous to other members of the group [with the exception of heather utah]. as there is no hierarchy, ILHU scouts may meet for skill sharing without the knowledge of heather utah but must be notified if working for badges so they can be properly made and documented.

-scouts work for themselves working for others
-crafts and lifestyles for self love and secrecy
-non violence for sharing
-respect for all creatures of the world [animate and inanimate]


BADGES

all badges and badge themes are negotiable as this list is based solely on the principles and skills of one person and may be expanded, changed, or specialisation.

crafts

• sewing [machine and/or hand]
• embroidery
• quilting / patchwork
• knitting
• crochet
• general needlework
• digital photography
• analogue photography
• sculpture
• collage
• graffiti
• general public art
  

lifestyle

• vegetarianism
• weird haircut
• cephalophilia
• LGBT
• pineapple crew
• love is for nazis [this is going to require a lot of explanation]
• groupie [band of choice]
• buy nothing day
• cloud appreciation
• tattoo
• piercing
• general body modification
• pro choice

body work

• swimming
• biking
• hiking
• camping
• kayaking
• general sport
• intake

interdisciplinary

• macrocosm
• microcosm
• pen pals
• discovery
• DIY
• ms / mr fix it
• cartography
• muffin sales
• bloggery

stick together with the tape, the tape of love [sticky stuff]

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surface underneath

i'm not much of a painter, i have no formal training in it whatsoever.  i refer it mainly as paintslinging,  it's an instantaneous access to colour that covers a lot of space.  these are each sketchbook drawings cut and collaged onto 5x7 dollarama canvas [3 for $1, oh yea!] 

paintslinglings always take me a while to complete because i like the mostly opaque layering effect that acrylique paint gives me and i never plan what i make, so i do something ie this and put it down for a while till i figure out what to do next.  

i would like more animalia on coccyx

another collaged image on vert

this one is my fave - i would like something fibrous added to this guy.

i am inspired by reqian textures.    and bones.  you're the [default] inspiration.