wherein our hero reveals her own personal secrets to happiness.
i have been told i am an unusually happy person
so what? it seems that misery is the accepted norm, a default obsession.
it has gone beyond habit straight past ritual and fetish into a full fledged emotional addiction.
this is going to sound crazy but,
sitting at home alone thinking about how lonely you are is not going to help you be less lonely.
am i special? NO.
i am the most mediocre, most boring, unimportant person i know and I AM TOTALLY OK WITH BEING UNIMPRESSIVE
being constantly judged, ignored, and ridiculed has made me oh so oblivious to everyone's negative attitudes, so much so that i save my cares for those i deem worthy enough to share owesome finds with
LIKE YOU!!!!!!
and despite being rejected on multiple occasions to art shows, having really bad hair, being sick for 5+ months, being terribly unmotivated and hating student art, the smallest things instil and crystallize happiness inside me for lingering.
+ find 1 activity that makes you happy and do it at often as possible. own it, expand it, and SHARE it
+ friends. really. even if you only have 1 person you know that you see on occasion, expand on that relationship with them. or make friends. 'oh i have no friends'. not cool, yo. if i can have friends, and charles manson can have friends, SO CAN YOU. already have one / some? LOVE THEM. the #1 thing that irks me most is when i hear / read about people who hate on their best friends, or fight with them. my very best one moved away and i would do *anything* to have them again. appreciate them, their time, and their loving energy, if only because i can't.
+ adventure. 'every day, do one thing that scares you'. roadtrip. get inspired, socially, personally, idealogically. strive to be the best human you can be.
+ normal things that everyone knows. eating lots of fruits and vegetables. not whining. not doing drugs or drinking alcohol, not being a douchebag, not killing animals. laughing at people slipping on ice patches, laughing at your selves when you stub your toes. really, i feel stupid writing this. use your brains. read books, watch less tv, play less video games, drink more water. misery is choice, as is happiness, you are responsible for your own lives.
:: small things that make days, that turn days into nights into loves ::
DUDE IT'S A LEG was someone really going to throw this out??
cigarette price board, with complete sets of numbers and mounting devices, yah!
reading. always a wise decision. pick your topic. boyd rice? prime example of a man LIVING HIS LIFE. learn from this, please?
please.
do not be afraid of yourselves.
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Saturday, March 21, 2009
goodbye agamemnon
forget everything you knew about the will to conquer
forget everything you knew about the will to power
forget everything you knew about your selves
this is you infinite wisdom tooth / my last night in bed with you
[there are no words]
i'll have a new camera in a couple of weeks but until then
a salute to my 4 years with the beefiest cheesiest piece of glass encased in black plastic.
Posted by
ilhu
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
ripping the fabric of time
how do you
represent infinity in a finite space?
get really sick and make a quilt out of it.
i'm really quite terrible at sewing. [and printing, and knitting, and drawing, and everything.]
i never pin, i never measure.
everything is all wonk. just me & my rudeboi scout.
we never get things right.
only take these personality tests with a grain of salt and
'the white poem of self hate stays with you'.
i am excellent at being mediocre.
what i'm trying to say is
STAY GOLD.
and that was all there ws to stay.
update ::
an exercise in extraversion.
conversation w/ stranger + delivery of badge to rightful owner.
i walked back down to the melting, waxy streets and sang david bowie all the way to the hutch. i really enjoyed making badges. i will do more but with negatives, signature.
fun facts ::
the iapetus was an ancient ocean between the laurentia and baltic continents in the neoproterozoic and paleozoic eras. there lived trilobites, hydra, and turritopsis nutricula. thanks to transdifferentiation and some other really neat stuff, the hyrda and turritopsis nutricula are technically biologically immortal!
artist[s] unknown ::
thank you.
i am currently reading george eliot's 'middlemarch'. it is insanely long, i cannot imagine what it must have been like, writing it all out like that. but still, i find her psychological insights almost shocking. i read a lot on the metro, and sometimes i just hit a phrase in between all this dialogue that almost knocks me over. what are you reading? do you like it? any recommendations, should i ever get through all 8zillion amazing pages of this?
represent infinity in a finite space?
get really sick and make a quilt out of it.
i'm really quite terrible at sewing. [and printing, and knitting, and drawing, and everything.]
i never pin, i never measure.
everything is all wonk. just me & my rudeboi scout.
we never get things right.
only take these personality tests with a grain of salt and
'the white poem of self hate stays with you'.
i am excellent at being mediocre.
what i'm trying to say is
STAY GOLD.
and that was all there ws to stay.
update ::
an exercise in extraversion.
conversation w/ stranger + delivery of badge to rightful owner.
i walked back down to the melting, waxy streets and sang david bowie all the way to the hutch. i really enjoyed making badges. i will do more but with negatives, signature.
fun facts ::
the iapetus was an ancient ocean between the laurentia and baltic continents in the neoproterozoic and paleozoic eras. there lived trilobites, hydra, and turritopsis nutricula. thanks to transdifferentiation and some other really neat stuff, the hyrda and turritopsis nutricula are technically biologically immortal!
artist[s] unknown ::
thank you.
i am currently reading george eliot's 'middlemarch'. it is insanely long, i cannot imagine what it must have been like, writing it all out like that. but still, i find her psychological insights almost shocking. i read a lot on the metro, and sometimes i just hit a phrase in between all this dialogue that almost knocks me over. what are you reading? do you like it? any recommendations, should i ever get through all 8zillion amazing pages of this?
Etsy Buy Handmade satyrinae |
Thursday, February 5, 2009
ilhu scout impromptu intervention
re: title
7 february 2009
lab synthese
i've been working on my first badge, to be completed saturday night.
in similar vein to js' pandapple badge, only a little less called for.
i made this for last year's xiu xiu show, for js' call for pandapple paraphernalia. i couldn't find any, so i made a badge.
little did i know at the time that it was going to be terribly helpful for a future self.
here is the blindoldfreak one.
it's on the wonky side, and pretty small, you can tell by the weave of the aida. backstitch onto grey felt for colour power.
the artervention. an experiment in extraversion.
or, me just being really annoying
heather as mel.
7 february 2009
lab synthese
i've been working on my first badge, to be completed saturday night.
in similar vein to js' pandapple badge, only a little less called for.
i made this for last year's xiu xiu show, for js' call for pandapple paraphernalia. i couldn't find any, so i made a badge.
little did i know at the time that it was going to be terribly helpful for a future self.
here is the blindoldfreak one.
it's on the wonky side, and pretty small, you can tell by the weave of the aida. backstitch onto grey felt for colour power.
the artervention. an experiment in extraversion.
or, me just being really annoying
heather as mel.
Posted by
ilhu
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
cuts of nostalgia
one day this happened
change of plans.
too much 90s nostalgia? i feel as though my current life has resumed to it's routine of 5th grade freedom.
it is a return to the similar circadian rhythm i have left behind.
i remember the faling apart. it is a return to discipline and apple cores.
a return of 99 cent brocoli at the PA.
a return to the foxes and rabbits in our very back yard.
it is the inside jokes of building forts to keep away all the falling apart.
i have reached my 5th year of vegetarianism, my 11th year of seperatedness, an anniversary marked by the split of those someone very close to me.
baking cupcakes to soothe is the demeter inside.
i remember you and me used to spend the whole goddamn day in bed.
it is not falling apart, it is drying herbs in your kitchen and talking to the first years about hair.
it is love, but the endless distance is the beginning of difference.
i understand.
change of plans.
too much 90s nostalgia? i feel as though my current life has resumed to it's routine of 5th grade freedom.
it is a return to the similar circadian rhythm i have left behind.
i remember the faling apart. it is a return to discipline and apple cores.
a return of 99 cent brocoli at the PA.
a return to the foxes and rabbits in our very back yard.
it is the inside jokes of building forts to keep away all the falling apart.
i have reached my 5th year of vegetarianism, my 11th year of seperatedness, an anniversary marked by the split of those someone very close to me.
baking cupcakes to soothe is the demeter inside.
i remember you and me used to spend the whole goddamn day in bed.
it is not falling apart, it is drying herbs in your kitchen and talking to the first years about hair.
it is love, but the endless distance is the beginning of difference.
i understand.
Monday, January 26, 2009
finally!
so, i have finally decided to piece together my etsy shop
it goes slowly and i only have 3 things for sale at the moment, but in the next few days i'll be adding more - jellyfish brooches, glamosaurus sex paint by numbers, more prints, more sculptures, maybe some drawings.
any ideas? i am a major in fibre art but i consider my selves much more miscellaneous than that. if you guys out there in the internet world want to see more or less of anything, please let me know! you are all so fabulous with your love!
now, for some SHAMELESS SELF PROMOTION
it goes slowly and i only have 3 things for sale at the moment, but in the next few days i'll be adding more - jellyfish brooches, glamosaurus sex paint by numbers, more prints, more sculptures, maybe some drawings.
any ideas? i am a major in fibre art but i consider my selves much more miscellaneous than that. if you guys out there in the internet world want to see more or less of anything, please let me know! you are all so fabulous with your love!
now, for some SHAMELESS SELF PROMOTION
Friday, January 9, 2009
Heather J- / heather utah
#######
Miscellaneous artist in training
6 january 2009
"What we cannot speak of we must pass over in silence." - Wittgenstein.
subconscious passive human longing comforting obsessive reflective text textiled tiled dominating digital analog imaginary real crafting spellcrafting multiple textured coloured needy incubating illuminating illuminati exposed free public private silent.
ILHU Scout Project
I propose to start a skill sharing secret society. the ilhu scouts, concerning the importance of individual strength as a part of a larger system. Like and unlike many other skill sharing organizations, the ilhu scouts aim to establish and maintain a private sphere surrounding the intimate act of creation. While my own creative background is largely self taught in needlepoint and other miscellaneous craft and artistic practices, I encourage proficient technicians to share their knowledge with a willing student. Despite my own emphasis on secrecy, scout members may choose to be public about their membership and are encouraged to recruit other like-minded people. It is my sincere desire to be a healthy, productive member of my community in the only way I know how. The ilhu scouts are dedicated to the solidity of individuals and individualism in order to solidify a community based on unique, ethical, and proactive beings.
The idea of a society as a small number of people sharing a very specific technical knowledge and passing onto an attentive audience is the 'secret" in secret society as the going-ons of the other members is largely unknown - it is my intention that the ilhu scouts will never assemble as a single unit. But as with the scouts, there are 'badges' that could be potentially earned should one choose to be an 'active' rather than 'passive' member. Active members recruit others to join the skill sharing network; as each member has their own particular strengths and secrets to be passed onto others to benefit. Another role that active members play in badge activities is to learn a new skill and in turn teach a fellow scout member, actively participating in the circular motion of creativity. Passive members are full members of the scout committee but may chose to or not teach another a skill but may participate in the creative process with another as an 'energy booster'. In my practice, I have found that i more productive with another person engaged in creation in the same room than i am alone. By working in pairs or in groups in no more than 4, crafters stimulate others while engaging themselves in other passive communal actions; dialogue, musical appreciation, laughter, or silence. Each badge is designed and made by heather utah and badge recipient. All badges and badge themes are negotiable as this list is based solely on the principles and skills of one person and may be expanded, changed, or specialized.
The non-exclusivity of membership ensures that any person regardless of spiritual, political, sexual, or cultural interests. I intend to create a group of people bound together by the love of the physical and psychological benefits of creative actions. In return, I only ask of the ilhu scouts to treat their fellow people with equal respect while engaging in virtual non-violent behavior to all forms of life, human, animal, and vegetal, and of all property. The scouts are to attend their specified workshops out of their own freewill and are in no way bound to the ilhu scouts. There is no hierarchical structure between active and passive scouts. Although i have started this group, i do not hold any more or less power to change or expand the scope of the group - in fact, the ilhu scouts may be incarnated differently with each scout pair and may share their own ideas as long as the actions contain no malevolent or negative intent. Materials are to be provided by the recipient crafter. If they are serious enough about learning and mastering a new skill they should be willing to invest supplies as well as energy into it.
Activities may include
craft skills
technical skills
language
music
cooking
outdoor activities
Subject to change in regards to the needs and abilities of the individual scouts.
Other themes include personal and cultural symbolism, the examined self, public and private space, community service, leadership, and craftsmanship.
The ilhu scouts are currently being conducted out of my own home, but workshops may take place in the homes of scouts and I am currently seeking a temporary space for public display.
Selected Sources of Research and Inspiration
Benjamin Walter. The Work of Art in the Age of Mechanical Reproduction.
http://iheartfbrs.pbwiki.com/The+Work+of+Art+in+the+Age+of+Mechanical+Reproduction
Bishop, Claire. Antagonism and Relational Aesthetics.
http://iheartfbrs.pbwiki.com/claire+bishop
Bourriaud, Nicolas. Relational Aesthetics. Les Presses du reel. 2002.
Girl Guides of Canada.
http://www.girlguides.ca/default1.asp?id=1179
The International Order of the Rainbow for Girls
http://www.gorainbow.org/home/home.taf
Kloosterman, Jaan. Secret Societies : A Very Short History. International Institute of Social History.
http://www.iisg.nl/collections/secretsocieties/index.php
Janoff, Reverend Callie. A Sermon. The Church of Craft.
http://churchofcraft.org/a-sermon-simple-and-captivating/
Jung, C G., ed. Man and His Symbols. Dell, New York: 1977.
Philips, Adam. On Kissing, Tickling, and Being Bored. Harvard University Press, Massachusetts: 1993.
Secret Men's Business
http://billykblog.blogspot.com/2006/09/starting-secret-society-part-7.html
Storr, Anthony. Solitude. Harper Collins, London, 1997.
planet earth is blue and there's nothing i can do.
#######
Miscellaneous artist in training
6 january 2009
"What we cannot speak of we must pass over in silence." - Wittgenstein.
subconscious passive human longing comforting obsessive reflective text textiled tiled dominating digital analog imaginary real crafting spellcrafting multiple textured coloured needy incubating illuminating illuminati exposed free public private silent.
ILHU Scout Project
I propose to start a skill sharing secret society. the ilhu scouts, concerning the importance of individual strength as a part of a larger system. Like and unlike many other skill sharing organizations, the ilhu scouts aim to establish and maintain a private sphere surrounding the intimate act of creation. While my own creative background is largely self taught in needlepoint and other miscellaneous craft and artistic practices, I encourage proficient technicians to share their knowledge with a willing student. Despite my own emphasis on secrecy, scout members may choose to be public about their membership and are encouraged to recruit other like-minded people. It is my sincere desire to be a healthy, productive member of my community in the only way I know how. The ilhu scouts are dedicated to the solidity of individuals and individualism in order to solidify a community based on unique, ethical, and proactive beings.
The idea of a society as a small number of people sharing a very specific technical knowledge and passing onto an attentive audience is the 'secret" in secret society as the going-ons of the other members is largely unknown - it is my intention that the ilhu scouts will never assemble as a single unit. But as with the scouts, there are 'badges' that could be potentially earned should one choose to be an 'active' rather than 'passive' member. Active members recruit others to join the skill sharing network; as each member has their own particular strengths and secrets to be passed onto others to benefit. Another role that active members play in badge activities is to learn a new skill and in turn teach a fellow scout member, actively participating in the circular motion of creativity. Passive members are full members of the scout committee but may chose to or not teach another a skill but may participate in the creative process with another as an 'energy booster'. In my practice, I have found that i more productive with another person engaged in creation in the same room than i am alone. By working in pairs or in groups in no more than 4, crafters stimulate others while engaging themselves in other passive communal actions; dialogue, musical appreciation, laughter, or silence. Each badge is designed and made by heather utah and badge recipient. All badges and badge themes are negotiable as this list is based solely on the principles and skills of one person and may be expanded, changed, or specialized.
The non-exclusivity of membership ensures that any person regardless of spiritual, political, sexual, or cultural interests. I intend to create a group of people bound together by the love of the physical and psychological benefits of creative actions. In return, I only ask of the ilhu scouts to treat their fellow people with equal respect while engaging in virtual non-violent behavior to all forms of life, human, animal, and vegetal, and of all property. The scouts are to attend their specified workshops out of their own freewill and are in no way bound to the ilhu scouts. There is no hierarchical structure between active and passive scouts. Although i have started this group, i do not hold any more or less power to change or expand the scope of the group - in fact, the ilhu scouts may be incarnated differently with each scout pair and may share their own ideas as long as the actions contain no malevolent or negative intent. Materials are to be provided by the recipient crafter. If they are serious enough about learning and mastering a new skill they should be willing to invest supplies as well as energy into it.
Activities may include
craft skills
technical skills
language
music
cooking
outdoor activities
Subject to change in regards to the needs and abilities of the individual scouts.
Other themes include personal and cultural symbolism, the examined self, public and private space, community service, leadership, and craftsmanship.
The ilhu scouts are currently being conducted out of my own home, but workshops may take place in the homes of scouts and I am currently seeking a temporary space for public display.
Selected Sources of Research and Inspiration
Benjamin Walter. The Work of Art in the Age of Mechanical Reproduction.
http://iheartfbrs.pbwiki.com/The+Work+of+Art+in+the+Age+of+Mechanical+Reproduction
Bishop, Claire. Antagonism and Relational Aesthetics.
http://iheartfbrs.pbwiki.com/claire+bishop
Bourriaud, Nicolas. Relational Aesthetics. Les Presses du reel. 2002.
Girl Guides of Canada.
http://www.girlguides.ca/default1.asp?id=1179
The International Order of the Rainbow for Girls
http://www.gorainbow.org/home/home.taf
Kloosterman, Jaan. Secret Societies : A Very Short History. International Institute of Social History.
http://www.iisg.nl/collections/secretsocieties/index.php
Janoff, Reverend Callie. A Sermon. The Church of Craft.
http://churchofcraft.org/a-sermon-simple-and-captivating/
Jung, C G., ed. Man and His Symbols. Dell, New York: 1977.
Philips, Adam. On Kissing, Tickling, and Being Bored. Harvard University Press, Massachusetts: 1993.
Secret Men's Business
http://billykblog.blogspot.com/2006/09/starting-secret-society-part-7.html
Storr, Anthony. Solitude. Harper Collins, London, 1997.
planet earth is blue and there's nothing i can do.
at
9.1.09
Labels:
art,
artx,
ilhu,
ilhu scouts,
love,
relational aesthetics,
secrets,
writing
1 thoughts
Posted by
ilhu
Sunday, August 31, 2008
these dawg days of summer
am i trying too hard? i don't really know why i'm doing this - i'm not trying to prove anything, i just think i'm * funny * i don't know if i would call this art, but there is a level of creativity involved. i used to only ever write on ads because i was sick of being told what to see if only because some dude in an office somewhere paid enough money to expose me to whatever bullshit s/he is trying to sell me. anything from education to salvation to organ donation.
anything from why? to support our oppressors OH to MMMMMEAT.
also, 2 sleeps till school, i've got to get whatever is left of this sillyperson out of my before it's businesstime.
should i argue with luv?
anything from why? to support our oppressors OH to MMMMMEAT.
also, 2 sleeps till school, i've got to get whatever is left of this sillyperson out of my before it's businesstime.
should i argue with luv?
Posted by
ilhu
Thursday, August 21, 2008
accidnt
the first time i dropped furthur [i did it again with the film that's still in there, only this one is going to be worse, all thanks to the assholes on the bus who don't get out of the waaaaaay]
and another
and out
tonight i am assembling more ilhu flags. if i really am the queen of these alleys, tomorrow is the day i claim them.
and another
and out
tonight i am assembling more ilhu flags. if i really am the queen of these alleys, tomorrow is the day i claim them.
Posted by
ilhu
Saturday, August 9, 2008
КОНТРОЛ :: три
go visit him and tell him what a flippin amazing photographer / all around dude he is
i love that i have been working on control for ~6 months and it is constantly reborn into something new in collaboration with another artist
everyday feels like kindergarten
i am knitting
i am collaging
i am collaging
i love that it doesn't even feel like work.
i am drawing
i love sharing what i do with another person who appreciates it as much as i
i love sharing what i do with another person who appreciates it as much as i
i am loving
everyday is new
i wear control and my age is spread out over my limbs and face
i am wearing everyday of my life
i feel old in my 21 years
i feel young in my life
there is always more to be done
i wear control and my age is spread out over my limbs and face
i am wearing everyday of my life
i feel old in my 21 years
i feel young in my life
there is always more to be done
Posted by
ilhu
Saturday, August 2, 2008
three words
but this is not the place for that
μεταμόρφωσις, "transformation, transforming", from μετα- (meta-), "change" + μορφή (morfe) "form"
i don't know how else to change, than to find a saturniidae corpse underneath the leaves. it's body disintegrated by the time i returned to rat city, but luckily the wings were intact. like a surgeon, slicing away at the rotting parts of the wings [the bugs had managed to get to it before i did], i felt like i was hurting it. i replaced it's body and it's past with wire and other scrap metal. trying to recreate the stages, trying not to cry.
the adventures continue - but i feel different now. time hadn't bothered me before, but now i can feel it creeping. i hadn't wanted that slow sadness to be felt yet.
i am feeling repetitive, caught in revolutions instead of evolutions. there is the chance to break out, but personally this distance is making me feel a little numb. our days are numbered - when are they not? i would much prefer to remain oblivious to that, i am far more appreciative in that way.
i would like them alone. - we will though, we just have to wait.
wait.
i need to dry off a bit before i go one, even though there isn't really time for that.
Posted by
ilhu
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
kia ora!
of clouds and nights and loss
after 2 and half weeks acceptance is settled comfortably in her niche. i miss the familiar smells. summer is like that - missing former places and times without fully appreciating the new ones. it's an unfortunate inevitability, as time is rolling on to bigger and better events and relationships.
missing people, meeting people, only to miss them again. this is what living in the real world is like. my years of solitude [either real or imagined] is over for the time being. attention devoted to others and art because LAUGHTER and an obliviously unserious outlook is key in defeating my self loathing. i have not laughed so much as i have these past many days and nights. there is drama coming in, but i'm not giving it the energy it needs to continue, so it sits there, dead in my inbox.
semi transient lifestyle yields mixed results. productivity is up tenfold. trading my talents for goods. holga is in the post. summer drawing class is finally put to good use. i have photographed everything but am waiting to put together my portfolio before i unveil anything too uninteresting.
don't tell anybody this but yesterday i went to the mountain in the afternoon and mingled with some somewhat undesirable people. i stretched my hustling muscles on the hustlers - props to ilhu, you! also to the lies i told - never reveal your weaknesses to dealers. if you're really a country girl, say you're from the city. if you know french, say you don't. if you'll never come back, say you will. i understood every word they said, and could run faster than all of them [in flip flops, mind you]
after 2 and half weeks acceptance is settled comfortably in her niche. i miss the familiar smells. summer is like that - missing former places and times without fully appreciating the new ones. it's an unfortunate inevitability, as time is rolling on to bigger and better events and relationships.
missing people, meeting people, only to miss them again. this is what living in the real world is like. my years of solitude [either real or imagined] is over for the time being. attention devoted to others and art because LAUGHTER and an obliviously unserious outlook is key in defeating my self loathing. i have not laughed so much as i have these past many days and nights. there is drama coming in, but i'm not giving it the energy it needs to continue, so it sits there, dead in my inbox.
semi transient lifestyle yields mixed results. productivity is up tenfold. trading my talents for goods. holga is in the post. summer drawing class is finally put to good use. i have photographed everything but am waiting to put together my portfolio before i unveil anything too uninteresting.
don't tell anybody this but yesterday i went to the mountain in the afternoon and mingled with some somewhat undesirable people. i stretched my hustling muscles on the hustlers - props to ilhu, you! also to the lies i told - never reveal your weaknesses to dealers. if you're really a country girl, say you're from the city. if you know french, say you don't. if you'll never come back, say you will. i understood every word they said, and could run faster than all of them [in flip flops, mind you]
karma will knock soon enough
'it's time for your weekly beating'
just tell them i'm not here.
raapeti can run faster than her actions.
now for something completely different.
'it's time for your weekly beating'
just tell them i'm not here.
raapeti can run faster than her actions.
now for something completely different.
life and love are fibre-licious.
life and love are curious
Posted by
ilhu
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