ripping the fabric of time

how do you
represent infinity in a finite space?
get really sick and make a quilt out of it.






i'm really quite terrible at sewing. [and printing, and knitting, and drawing, and everything.]
i never pin, i never measure.
everything is all wonk. just me & my rudeboi scout.
we never get things right.

only take these personality tests with a grain of salt and
'the white poem of self hate stays with you'.
i am excellent at being mediocre.

what i'm trying to say is
STAY GOLD.
and that was all there ws to stay.

update ::
an exercise in extraversion.
conversation w/ stranger + delivery of badge to rightful owner.
i walked back down to the melting, waxy streets and sang david bowie all the way to the hutch. i really enjoyed making badges. i will do more but with negatives, signature.

fun facts ::
the iapetus was an ancient ocean between the laurentia and baltic continents in the neoproterozoic and paleozoic eras. there lived trilobites, hydra, and turritopsis nutricula. thanks to transdifferentiation and some other really neat stuff, the hyrda and turritopsis nutricula are technically biologically immortal!


artist[s] unknown ::



thank you.

i am currently reading george eliot's 'middlemarch'. it is insanely long, i cannot imagine what it must have been like, writing it all out like that. but still, i find her psychological insights almost shocking. i read a lot on the metro, and sometimes i just hit a phrase in between all this dialogue that almost knocks me over. what are you reading? do you like it? any recommendations, should i ever get through all 8zillion amazing pages of this?

Etsy Buy Handmade satyrinae

ilhu scout impromptu intervention

re: title
7 february 2009
lab synthese

i've been working on my first badge, to be completed saturday night.
in similar vein to js' pandapple badge, only a little less called for.
i made this for last year's xiu xiu show, for js' call for pandapple paraphernalia. i couldn't find any, so i made a badge.



little did i know at the time that it was going to be terribly helpful for a future self.
here is the blindoldfreak one.



it's on the wonky side, and pretty small, you can tell by the weave of the aida. backstitch onto grey felt for colour power.

the artervention. an experiment in extraversion.
or, me just being really annoying

heather as mel.

cuts of nostalgia

one day this happened



change of plans.

too much 90s nostalgia? i feel as though my current life has resumed to it's routine of 5th grade freedom.
it is a return to the similar circadian rhythm i have left behind.
i remember the faling apart. it is a return to discipline and apple cores.
a return of 99 cent brocoli at the PA.
a return to the foxes and rabbits in our very back yard.
it is the inside jokes of building forts to keep away all the falling apart.
i have reached my 5th year of vegetarianism, my 11th year of seperatedness, an anniversary marked by the split of those someone very close to me.
baking cupcakes to soothe is the demeter inside.

i remember you and me used to spend the whole goddamn day in bed.

it is not falling apart, it is drying herbs in your kitchen and talking to the first years about hair.

it is love, but the endless distance is the beginning of difference.
i understand.

overdose

a small part in my series on substance habituation
drawing this / writing this actually didn't take me as long as i originally anticipated.
i
my speed [har har] astounds me
i'm trying to get this on the primary level - i'm avoiding scientific records and data and attempting to make my own sources - all anonymously, of course.
i'm saving the spam in my box because for some convenient reason i'm on some pharmaceutical listserve.
dead mellotron is the best spam i ever heard, i tells ya.

here are some other lovelies i've done

a brooch on etsy
[recognize?]



a small mock up for my traveling show



speaking of shows, you're going to have to wait a little longer before anyone sees me in one. something tells me i should just not even adhere to the hipsterism of galleries in mtl - i would love to see a show that DOESN'T ooze pretentious annoying. <---- this is why you'll never see me at a vernissage. a] large groups of people in rooms make me extremely anxious b] i dislike talking with peope if only to 'network' and have them add you on facebook and never talk to them again c] i unfortunately can't be bothered to see what 'my contemporaries are up to' because i just see the same thing over and over again.
rejection makes me bitter SO BITTER. i dislike attempting good ideas, applying, submitting, waiting, and being rejected. it's a no-win situation. it gets me writing and making but so far i've applied to many shows to no avail. i'm 22 and already i'm tired of sucking at what i love doing. i'm upset over it because i took it personally. i love love this piece now and wanted to have it seen as i do. there are pieces of me in there [really, physically!] - maybe they just couldn't handle it's fierceness? who cares why. it's done, there's nothing i can do other than make some more to for people to dislike. TOO BAD.
the streets will always eat my art. it's a solo show everyday of the week!

i actually DID leave the house today - we made the conscious effort to hear alessandro cortini lecture about his owesome modulator. it seems the only 'shows' i do see have very little to do with my 'scene'. i figure if i'm going to go out in the MTL snow it may as well be something i've never seen / heard before. i spend 12+ hours per day with fibres, sculpture, and text. there is more to life than that. at least i sure hope there is.

for anyone in the MTL area who enjoys electroacoustics, i would highly recommend seeing cortini's show. it's this friday [the 30th] at the oscar peterson concert hall. not only is he a really cool guy, but DAMN he sure knows how to oscillate.

here is some summer '07 cloud love to get you through the end of january.

finally!

so, i have finally decided to piece together my etsy shop
it goes slowly and i only have 3 things for sale at the moment, but in the next few days i'll be adding more - jellyfish brooches, glamosaurus sex paint by numbers, more prints, more sculptures, maybe some drawings.
any ideas? i am a major in fibre art but i consider my selves much more miscellaneous than that. if you guys out there in the internet world want to see more or less of anything, please let me know! you are all so fabulous with your love!
now, for some SHAMELESS SELF PROMOTION

if the cell that holds me, breaks me....

nothing is finished but everything is in motion.
no matter how slightly, with my myriad of technical difficulties
nothing is going according to plan
i try to not let that stop me
but holy moses. coming home from the studio
IN TEARS
is not how i thought it was going to be.



i only printed 1.5 metres, but considering as it is a CMYK separation, i'm not beating my selves over the head with it.
the hexagonal outline reads

dont you ever ever ever trust my mercy

the mobius strip reads

if the cell that holds me, breaks me, it'll be hard to hold

i feel i should change the concept of this blog,
as it seems that everything i say or make
is my own visual representation
to the obsession
of other people's music
swimming in new directions

speaking of new directions



this has no direction, no concept, no reason. i am making them because i do not know how not to.

everything i have been thinking making or saying has been feeling very trite. there is only one way i can overcome these past 4 years, and i am very very afraid.

ouroboros // the mars volta

It appears to me
quoting alarms
guillotine smirks
In your house I smothered

Sight unseen
Sworn to harm
Ground to a powder
And soaked through the board

Don’t you ever, ever, ever trust my mercy
Don’t you ever, ever, ever trust my mercy

When will you flirt with all that’s burning
Keep them safe and by your side

Of all that’s left
A lucid home
Anecdote settles
In the smear of this corpse

If the larvae speaks
Ask where to go
They mount the maker
With a sulphur in fume

Don’t you ever, ever, ever trust my mercy
Don’t you ever, ever, ever trust my mercy

When will you flirt with all that’s burning
Keep them safe and by your side

Of all the warnings that you gave me
With all components in the fault

Have you ever heard me scraping it will be hard to hold

Don’t you ever, ever, ever trust my mercy
Don’t you ever, ever, ever trust my mercy

When will you flirt with all that’s burning
Keep them safe and by your side

Of all the warnings that you gave me
With all components in the fault

Have you ever heard me scraping it will be hard to hold

All I hear mending the gap
fall in here might not make it back
Call that someone may they hear you
Take me with you It’s not safe in here

And all you ask is why, why, why
And all you ask is why I’m certain
you’re holding on
mirror floats to the surface [holding on]

Of all the warnings that you gave me
With all components in the fault

Have you ever heard me scraping it will be hard to hold

Of all the warnings that you gave me
With all components in the fault

Have you ever heard me scraping it will be hard to hold

They lost the presence they were holding
Looks like the tenants flickered off
If the cell that holds me breaks me
It’ll be hard to hold

i can light an alter for them

like extracting blood from a stone, and pulling firmly rooted teeth
execution in record timing - a snappy 6 days! i don't think i've ever worked this quickly, considering the myriad of complications i've endured.
it is a traditional pagan prayer for the overcoming of substance addiction, a theme i will be exploring more fully over the next little while. it reads

out of the blood, and into the marrow
out of the marrow, and into the bone
out of the bone, and into the skin
out of the skin, and into the hair
out of the hair, and into the sea

white, red, and black embroidery with red hair couching and fingernail applique.



i am hoping to combine my 2 distinct styles - the creepy [the white, the red, and the black] with the colour [2 rainbows collided in your body]

the inspiration behind this particular piece?
xiu you.
dangerous you shouldn't be here // xiu xiu

a witch has come from under the ocean
and with a pointed and sharp finger
snatched my baby by the crook of her jaw
and hooked her breath away
and bloated and cut her soft,
dearest skin and face
her hair has gone from black to green
she used to complain when I used
too much water to wash her hair
I can't imagine what it was like for her
to have died swallowing the sea
I want to pause and offer
your lonely grave farewell but it is covered in mud
it is nowhere there is no way
to light an altar for you
everything is too wet
tight around my neck
tie me with this rotten wire
that snaps its quiet snap
I've poured my life into this world and here I am

again, another submission. the deadline looms.