Quetzalcoatl

I have always believed that being an artist means living on the edge of madness - and it has never been so true as it was this week -
I finally decided to finish this painting after it was hanging around my house for almost a year. The opportunity arose after the desire for the monster to live - to think of death for so long to want to follow through on those thoughts. Suicide seems normal to me - a much more comforting relief from life than disease or happenstance. I would still much rather be my own killer than succumb to cancer or homicide or the grill of some asshole's truck. I do realise that I have a lot more to do in this world - so I'll be alive for the next little while. Now before anyone freaks out on me and thinks I'm a horrible monster - I assure you I am. And I'm getting the so - called * help * I need. Even though I don't really think I need help - that must mean there's something wrong with me.
The Quetzalcoatl character is no accident - I'm looking forward to 2012. Of course there are too many humans on this planet, and even though I am trying to send out as many good vibes as possible [I also started volunteering this week] I know I am inevitably contributing to the poisoning of the earth.
Is it any coincidence Xiu Xiu's 'Mike' just started playing? No. Maybe. Yes.
I'm going to go to bed and read Lawrence E Joseph's 'Apocalypse 2012'. And tomorrow I will wake up and go to work and pretend to be a productive member of a terrible society.