goodbye agamemnon

forget everything you knew about the will to conquer
forget everything you knew about the will to power
forget everything you knew about your selves

this is you infinite wisdom tooth / my last night in bed with you
[there are no words]

i'll have a new camera in a couple of weeks but until then
a salute to my 4 years with the beefiest cheesiest piece of glass encased in black plastic.

cold walks

where are your mittens, kittens?
i moved to this city for an education and all i got was this vertigo.

what have you done lately?

inspired by boredom, cartoons, bad movies, and relational aesthetics [as interpreted badly by the author]

the crowd massed quickly on the corner of ste catherines and atwater
my fear ran thick in my throat, i could feel the acid wearing away.
it was cold and grey but not that cold then colder after about 30 mins.
my politic apathy and wild misunderstandings of religion took hold immediately.
death to ANYONE won't get my vote and i am amazed at the intolerance of other people, here! in canada! you give people the benefit of doubt that we are a 'safe' place to be - and we are constantly reminded that this is not the case. i felt that in the heat of an undying hatred and violence towards 2 very different yet fundamentally similar people, i had to placate their energy with my own apolitical activity.
there is no way i could expect anyone to know why i [we] did what we did - i don't even think i get the whole story but i am glad i did. in this serious, serious, world we just had to spend the sunday together doing what we both do best - CARPE DIEM.


the idea behind it all



me being there, smirking even with awful slogans being yelled through megaphones and people carrying faux dead babies around, as if they know exactly what it must feel like to actually hold your dead and bleeding child



the trick : partnership is key if pulling off a stunt like this. always have your camera ready. smile a lot, it is confusing to an angry, somber crowd. keep moving especially if cold. don't try to blend in, people might mistake you for having chosen a particular, remain impartial at all times.

and remember : don't listen to a batshit thing anyone has to say about your actions. respect, tolerate. forget anyone who condemns anyone for political / spiritual direction. this is a world where all human life is respected equally. i would love to also say animal but unfortunately this is not the case. take responsibility for your actions throughout. direction is a CHOICE.

newness!

merry xxxmas, merry x-mass, happy yule!

very many new things on the ilhu ranch!  a change of traditions and wonderful things brought me a new computer [with open source photo editing software], and a brand new lens for Agamemnon!  he is now wearing a macro nikkor 60 mm 1:2.8 g ed that i am loving!  and with all new things, they take a lot of time getting used to.  i took some photos this morning and *tried* editing them with seashore.  ugh!  what a nightmare.  not that it is bad, but i am used to photoshop cs2 on a pc, and now i'm using this on a macbook.  weeeeird.  i'm having a lot of trouble finding the functions - like photo resize and i don't like the crop function.  it doesn't have nearly as many of the functions as photoshop but luckily i only ever play with size, colour, contrast, levels, curves [don't think seashore has levels/curves functions].  my recent additions to flickr are out of whack - none of them are the same ratio or size or anything, but i am trying.  please be patient with me.  here are some in full season regalia!

i was so so so lucky to have retema come for a visit a few days ago [he is in mtl for only a few more days!!].  i took many many film photos in our historical desired condition.  we lived in the forest.  it is supposed to be this way.  he took a photo of me.

now that i have all this fancy dance equipment, i would love to update more often on my artistic endeavours.  i havent been unproductive - quite the opposite!  i have been crocheting like a mad woman, so there will be much more.  also i would like to set up my etsy shop and really start trying to do what i have been wanting.  these things take time, so it's time for a butt kicking!  flickr update :: pro account expires much too soon.  help me fuel this all!!!!

ass kickery commencing NOW!

photo + bleach = <3

what to do with the nonsensical prints?
pour bleach on them
scratch at them
thank you to seth for yet another fantastical idea

they are not only photographs but objects

holgology for the ages

to there - age is there is no age through a plastic lens.
scramble time
2008 or 1808?












some things never change. some things change just enough to trip your throat when you rip that envelope. some things cause your insides to melt into the mucus and blood you originated as.

my body is returning to the earth, so slowly.

wewehe :: is it forever?
going back is not an option, you would not recognise this voice.

many works in many progresses

school is fool

i printed my very first edition in lithography yesterday
i miss spending hours and hours and hours in studio
10 - 730 !!
i rolled up, etched, printed and cleaned
here is my stone ::



many works are in the process

:: pyramids for the animals
:: names of alleys // my very private map
:: men and women as lovers
:: knitting the tape of love

men and women as lovers isn't really art tho
it was only born out of the fact that i have been spending a lot of time laying about in bed with a demi stranger speaking and learning about a life
i wanted to conduct a social experiment in comparison to all my lovers / unlovers i have known but not very well. [please do not think that is the reason i become attached, tho it is good way to detach from another]
love is life is art
is it?

we go furthur than we've gone before



our [un]love is private
is it?





my eye is crooked
is it?



there is just something about attachment
my private feel i must share
my smut of clover



am i using this man?
i don't know how i feel about my selves
we are the one you are

that is the part of my life that is art



i am beginning to think i exist only in the plural
my selves
my loves
my lives
my love lives

CLOSER

bee beside me


potential breakdown

these dawg days of summer

am i trying too hard? i don't really know why i'm doing this - i'm not trying to prove anything, i just think i'm * funny * i don't know if i would call this art, but there is a level of creativity involved. i used to only ever write on ads because i was sick of being told what to see if only because some dude in an office somewhere paid enough money to expose me to whatever bullshit s/he is trying to sell me. anything from education to salvation to organ donation.
anything from why? to support our oppressors OH to MMMMMEAT.
also, 2 sleeps till school, i've got to get whatever is left of this sillyperson out of my before it's businesstime.







should i argue with luv?

first attempts [you make everyday feel like kindergarten]

weird day,,,,,,,,,,,,continued

the feeling of uncomfort runs hot down my spine, like anger, only i well boiling tears of frustration and interior sadness.  time grates on me.  i knit instead.  this is only the beginning of my own pull.

here are some of my holga prints [looking hazy because i photographed the prints instead of scanning them] [because i haven't a scanner]]

cut at what was one once

were we there?  change in tangible photographs,,,,,,,i am so used to seeing my photos as dots of colour on a screen and now they are dots of colour on a paper in my hand on my wall.  i see the past differently, it feels much furthur away.  not 2008 anymore again.  1548.  1978, love was there.  carve away at the earth and reluctantly finish your [my] tasks.  life is futile, life is trying to stay business enough to distract you from the past and the things you [i] love most.  occupy yourselves [myselves] 

my selves, my elves.

КОНТРОЛ :: три

retema came home for lunch today and he took photos of me wearing control

go visit him and tell him what a flippin amazing photographer / all around dude he is

i love that i have been working on control for ~6 months and it is constantly reborn into something new in collaboration with another artist

everyday feels like kindergarten

i am knitting
i am collaging

i love that it doesn't even feel like work.

i am drawing

i love sharing what i do with another person who appreciates it as much as i

i am loving

everyday is new
i wear control and my age is spread out over my limbs and face
i am wearing everyday of my life
i feel old in my 21 years

i feel young in my life
there is always more to be done

flesh and light

i am alright with pain. i am alright with absence.
not so much with obsess or abscess.

three words

but this is not the place for that

metamorphosis

μεταμόρφωσις, "transformation, transforming", from μετα- (meta-), "change" + μορφή (morfe) "form"

i don't know how else to change, than to find a saturniidae corpse underneath the leaves.  it's body disintegrated by the time i returned to rat city, but luckily the wings were intact.  like a surgeon, slicing away at the rotting parts of the wings [the bugs had managed to get to it before i did], i felt like i was hurting it.  i replaced it's body and it's past with wire and other scrap metal.  trying to recreate the stages, trying not to cry.

the adventures continue - but i feel different now.  time hadn't bothered me before, but now i can feel it creeping.  i hadn't wanted that slow sadness to be felt yet.  

i am feeling repetitive, caught in revolutions instead of evolutions.  there is the chance to break out, but personally this distance is making me feel a little numb.  our days are numbered - when are they not?  i would much prefer to remain oblivious to that, i am far more appreciative in that way.

i would like them alone.  - we will though, we just have to wait.

wait.

i need to dry off a bit before i go one, even though there isn't really time for that.

love is no light

view largest!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  

Miranda, That Ghost Just Isn't Holy Anymore: B. Pour Another Icepick // The Mars Volta

I think I’ve become one of the others.

There was a frail syrup dripping off his lap danced lapel.
Punctuated by her becrepit prowl she, washed down the hatching gizzard.
Soft as a mane of needles, his orifice icicles hemorrhaged by combing her torso to a pile.
Perspired, the trophy shelves made room for his collapse, she was a mink handjob in sarcophagus heels.

Bring me to my knees, tead the sharpened lines.
All my arms, bled me blind.
Faucet leaks in shadows,spilling from, morgue lancet caressed your fontanelle.
I’ve sworn to kill, every last one, every last one.
Panic in the shakes of the wounded, Panic in the worms.
Onto the floor And out of your mouth and Out of your eyelids.

No there’s no light, in the darkest of your furthest reaches.
No there’s no light, in the darkest of your furthest reaches.

All your dreams, splintered off.
Leech by leech, on this catafalque.
Anyone will tell you, yes anyone.
Chance had me setting the trip wire alarm.
Your mother flirted, with disease, when she skinned that costume by it’s navel strings.
Panic in the shakes of the wounded, panic in the worms, onto the floor, and out of your mouth out of your eyelids.

No there’s no light, in the darkest of your furthest reaches

Shock lest shackles free you, Volt face cons.
Abandon you again, I won’t feel, not this time.